Anatomy 101 for Little Boys

Thursday night was definitely entertaining.
The whole day was entertaining to say the least.

I had lunch, well frozen yogurt, with my dear gal pal who I have not seen in ages. Last time she and I gossiped over food about men, their penis’, and sex she recently had a biopsy done on her breast. Needless to say she is free of her sickness so that made for some happy news. We gabbed about her latest conquests, her financial woes, and then we got to the kids.

Her Spud is all grown up. Sad that I knew when her daughter was a tween and a pain in the ass and now she is a teen and still a pain in the ass but we love her just the same.

So my pal and I are gabbing all sorts. Have to say quite entertaining, made for a great afternoon.

Come home, normal stuff as usual.

My O.G. BFF Brittany, a.k.a my sister, drops in to pick up her spawn and we gab. She is always good for some gossip. She catches me up on all the “behind the scenes” of the blogosphere (*Yawn) and of course some juicy bits about this bar fly who is stalker-esque to an acquaintance of ours….again interesting conversations.

The day and night rolls on. Sister heads home, we have dinner, time for baths. I finally get around to throwing Big G in the shower. He is really good about handling himself in the shower.

He is a boy though so he putzes to no end. I mean I can hear super hero sound effects until he runs out of hot water. So I mosey on in the bathroom and help him wash his hair, I lather up his wash cloth and tell him to get totally clean. If DH and I are not in there….he “says” he got clean. Yeah, which means we made a soapy mess and none touched his body.

I hand him his wash cloth and tell him to wash these parts in this order….leaving his derriere for last. He complies. Fantastic. But then the boy thinks thrusting his hips at me is funny trying to flick soap onto me while I observe outside the shower curtain…….yeah….not so much. I tell him he needs to get washed up. Here is what the boy tells me:

Big G: Momma I really need to get in this junk right? (Pointing and scrubbing his crack and his crotch)
Me: *holding my breath. Try. To. Contain. Uncontrollable. Laughter.
Me: Yup buddy, get clean.
Big G: Yup I gotta really clean all this junk.

Thank you DH for teaching our boy that his penis and rear end is his junk because I found the comment so utterly amusing. But the fun doesn’t stop there!

I help the boy wash all the soap off and help him out of the shower. He is a bit of a spaz. Last time he didn’t have help he has a bruise the size of Delaware on one ass cheek. Yeah, it hurt.

I am drying his hair off and his arms when he stops and this conversation takes place:

Big G: Momma I need to tell you something, stop drying me.
Me: Okay buddy what is it?
Big G: Mom what are these things?
Me: Buddy they are buttons on my shirt. (assuming that is what he is asking since he is staring at the girls)
Big G: No mom, these….what are these? (As he begins to pull down my shirt)
Me: Buddy, what are you doing?
Big G: Mom I am asking you a questions! (very demanding) What are these?
Me: Bud, those are moms boobies….
Big G: No Momma, whats on your boobies?
Me: (assuming he is talking about how my skin was splotchy fron the heat and cold water of the shower) Buddy its just my skin discolored.
Big G: (he’s getting annoyed now, I can tell in his voice) *pulling my shirt a but again NO Mom, what are those, the things ON your boobies. The things that the babies suck on?
Me: (TRY. TO. KEEP. IT. TOGETHER!) Buddy, those are called nipples. You have some too…see? (as I pinch him)
Big G: So Mom, are those like bottles for the babies? They can drink milk from?
Me: (KEEP. IT. TOGETHER. I am flushed at this point) Yes buddy, the babies used to drink milk from them and now they drink from a bottle.

The End.

No more questions, he was totally satisfied once he asked that.
Never a dull moment and we are only one week into the summer…….this is going to be a LOOONNNGGGG summer.

Truth be told….I’m a Failure

I for one am not a perfect mother, I am 100% WIP (Work In Progress). I have no books to teach me to be a mother, no books to tell me what is what, I just have my simple knowledge to help me decipher my asshole from a hole in the ground. I am humbled by the fact that I love my children whole hearted, that they look to me for everything. They can throw fits for their father and the moment I walk in the room…..all is right with the world again.

I do not have the answers. Any mother who claims to “have the answers”, well sister…..you need to ascend to a higher astral plane because we are clearly, unworthy.

Each child, each mother, each family and situation yields different actions, reactions, and well care handling. I do not expect my sister to raise her kids the way I raise my kids, despite the fact that we were raised in the same home by the same parents. I also for one would never tell my sister “you are doing this wrong” when talking to her about raising kids. I think that NO MOTHER has that right. I for one would not want anyone to tell me that how I am raising my kids is wrong, how I discipline them is wrong, what I feed them is wrong.

I birthed 22 pounds 4 ounces worth of kids. Big G was 8.2, Pickles was 8.2 and Little Bitty was 6 even. I even had two at the same time. But this does not give me any right, the fact I have three or that I birthed two at the same time does not give me any right. But yet I see mothers from my local Costco to the blogosphere who judge women…….ESPECIALLY mothers without mercy and I cannot understand why.

So here are my failures that other mothers call out on:

Truth be told I am a mother who does not spank….while every ounce in my angered body wants to swat my child I do not.
I do not put my child in a timeout in a corner, he is sent to his room….where he has NO toys.
I do not always feed my children organic. (GASP!)
I do not let my kids drink soda, lots of juice, eat certain snacks, so clearly I fail as a mother.
I fail at the fact that when I brought the twins home all Big G wanted to do was play with his siblings instead of hit them be angry and ignore them.
I fail at the fact my five, soon to be six year old son can count to 200.
I fail that my son can count in Spanish.
I fail that my son has known his alphabet and colors since he was three.
I fail that my son asks to be excused from the dinner table each night.
I fail that the twins can show me with their hands, sign language of sorts, that they are all finished with their meals.
I fail that Big G knows how to load the dishwasher.
I fail that he feeds the family dog.
I fail that my 15 month old daughter Little Bitty knows where the trash is located and properly disposes of trash…..and some miscellaneous items too.
I fail that they kiss and hug, without a cue.
I fail that ALL of my kids are in bed generally NO LATER than 8:30p.m.
I fail that at every meal my kids have at least one food group…..somehow.
I fail as a mother that ALL of my kids are happy.
I fail that all of my kids are healthy, well fed, and well cared for.
I fail that I choose to vaccinate my kids, for everything, yup, even Swine Flu (just kidding).
I fail that I want my kids to go to public and private schools.
I fail that I want more for my kids that what I had.
I fail that I work EVERYDAY on my marriage to my love so my kids have happy, healthy, get over it, parents.
I fail that EVERYDAY I work to be a better mother, mom, wife, individual.
I fail that I make self-centered choices, for myself, my kids, and my family…
I fail that I have LOTS and LOTS of faults….and I admit them, embrace them, and learn from them.
I fail that I have cussed in front of my children.
But most of all……..I fail because they know ME as Mom. I fail that I raise them as a mother, as their mother.

I can keep going. Do any of these fit you? Do you fail at any of the aforementioned the way I have?

Please give me my due process if you are one of those mother’s, because clearly, you need to ascend sister and I for one am unworthy. Because of you our world would be perfect, full of codependents, naysayers, and happy people for judgments to be passed by a mere mortal.
Leave the judging to others of a higher power would you please?! Agree to disagree about how anyone raises their children. No parent, no mother, no one on Earth is perfect. We all do the best we can with the tools we are given…which by the way are from another mother…..usually our own. We live, we learn, we pass on. We try to break cycles, create new ones. We love with no end and beginning, no boundaries and no limitations. So the next time you think about saying how you do not like someone because of the way she raises her kids or the opportunities she has been given or failed to receive, just remember we have ALL been there.
We have all had good times and bad, wealth and poverty, sickness and health, life and death, gratitude and ungratefulness, felicity and sadness, crudeness and civility.

Who? What? When? Why? How?

The questions of any and every child. Though I am thinking these statements are only from my child on an excessive basis. My mother warned me that when Big G would start kindergarten that kids transform.

Transform? Like into Optimus Prime? HA, just kidding.

Anyway, transform into what? Little did I know that he would transform into a know it all who would have to argue at every turn. Seriously, every topic is a debate, up for negotiation, the boy argues until you want to just give him what he wants. I for one want to tear every last piece of blond lock from my head when he does this.

For instance, dinner time:

Me: Finish your dinner buddy and make sure you have some trees (broccoli) we gave you a little.

Big G: Uh…Uh…but…I’m full. I can’t eat any more. Can I be excused?

Me: No buddy, eat a few more bites. You haven’t even come close to getting full. If you don’t finish you don’t get anything later…..this is it!

Big G: Alright! (with complete discontent) I will eat three more bites.

Me: Five okay? that includes your trees.

Big G: No, two.

Me: No I said Five please. (Like “please” will get me anywhere)

Big G: Six

Me: Ok

Big G: No three.

And me, being that I am an aspiring law student and debate extraordinaire just got baited by a five year old into negotiations. At some point in time DH has to jump in because our oldest child syndromes, Big G and I, start to butt heads like a couple of rams battling over territory! I just wonder when he will grow out of this incessant need to argue to the point where everyone starts arguing and then…..he loses privileges. I guess he thought he could win…right up until I take away the Wii for a week. I guess there is a win situation in some arguments. Which doesn’t say much for someone who is arguing with a child!

Why the attack on Kate?

I have seen so many blog posts, tabloid covers, snarks, sneers, tweets, talk shows, premieres, and smears that I have to wonder why everyone feels the need to bag on poor Kate Gosselin.

Did she go shit on your front lawn or something? Did she slap you in public? Maybe she spilled your drink? Cutsy in line? Did she tattle on you?

How petty can women really be. Bad enough we have a mom blog war that now we have these women (probably the same war wagers) judging without mercy about how she (Kate) treats her husband, how she raises her children, how she wears her hair, I mean really……is THAT all you have in life is your boring time to judge someone on a reality show? Do you not have better things to do with your time?

I have to say that I love Kate Gosselin. Really I do. Want to know why? Let me tell you.

For one she is a MoM. Not your typical mom, but a real MoM which means she is a Mother of Multiples. MoM women are a different breed, we run our homes a different way, we look at life a little differently, we know the ear shot comments, we know the sneers, jeers, jests, know-it-alls, and “let me tell you how to be a mom” type comments.

I just don’t understand why so many people dislike her, judge her without mercy, and bag on her like she is the biggest pest on Earth.

I love Kate for her time management with those kids. If you have more than 2 children you understand time management. If you have twins or higher order multiples, you really get what I am saying. I love that Kate has some really well behaved children for how many she has. I can barely get my oldest singleton Big G to ask to be excused every night from the dinner table. Although he does have all of his “please,” Thank you,” “Welcome,” and “excuse me” down pat so at least I know I am doing something right.

Seriously, do people think she is just suppose to let her house and her children go? UH NO! Seriously I only have one set of multiples and every day my house is a disaster, I couldn’t imagine TWO sets of multiples, especially higher order multiples. Eight kids is a LOT to clean up after, so I can see her point of view with being so anal.

The husband thing…..I am so there. I made DH watch the show with me……he just kept turning and looking at me like he was watching my twin on TV. Again, when you have more than one or two children, especially, especially multiples your life is completely different. You manage your children….and sometimes your husband……much differently. Sometimes DH gets thrown into the kid mix, not his fault, but when you are managing a home, everyone is an employee, including DH. Parents have to be a united front and if one parent slacks, then the kids know it and FORGET IT!

I do thoroughly enjoy the singleton parents who have a lot of kids. I understand, I hear you. But just because you have kids “really close in age….like having twins”…..yeah that is not like having twins. Having twins or higher order multiples is like having twins or higher order multiples. You have no idea to have two or more infants needing feedings at the same time, two or more infants crying at the same time and figuring which one you pick up first….and then do you let the other cry because you are trying to console one? Yup this happens when you don’t have help, or you are outnumbered like with Jon and Kate.

So mothers of multiples don’t just have “X” amount of children, nope they have all those kids at the SAME TIME. This is NOT the same as having “oh well my kids are like twins because they are close in age.” WRONG. NOT THE SAME. NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

So I learned to do everything at the same time. I tandem breastfed my kids until I about lost my sanity which was until they were 10 months old. I would solid feed them at the same time with both hands, baths were at the same time, bed times at the same time, naps at the same time. Why all at the same time? Because this is called time management, if you don’t know time management as a mother of multiples you have time FOR NOTHING!

I would really like to know if there are other MoM’s out there who love to watch Kate Gosselin because she makes life feel normal. That her life is a lot like ours, an organized chaos of trying to raise multiples. I would love to hear from my twin or multiple mamas on the whole Kate thing. Because I feel she gets a bad rap and too many people bag on her……why…..so they can feel better about being a bitch themselves I guess. Who knows. I just don’t see the benefit of bagging on a fellow mom….we do what we can with the tools we are given. We learn to evolve with our tools and we evolve from learning other ways of working with our kids and our husbands. I know I have with the grace of my AWESOME therapist “Pat.”

I have to say next time you see a mom of twins, triplets, or any other higher order of multiples just give them a smile. They don’t need your comments of:

“Man I couldn’t imagine.”
We know, that’s why WE have the multiples and you don’t.
“Better you than me.”
Thanks! We know how weak you are which is why the higher power chose US to handle more than One at a time.
“You sure have your hands full.”
You have NO IDEA and you know what? We love every stinking minute of it with all the hugs and kisses.

Just remember that karma sucks. Every Mom does the best she can, even if she is not raising her kids to YOUR standards. I know I am not perfect, nor is Kate, neither is the mom who is passing judgment on Kate and every other mom trying to do the best she can with what she was given.

Go Go Pets Review & Giveaway

Some families enjoy the pleasure of adopting a new pet into the family. They are loved, petted, caressed, looked after, named, and then finally cleaned up after. The cleaning job is generally left to mom and dad…..in my household namely me. The most common request for pets that I have heard from mom’s and dad’s have been dogs, cats, fish, and hamsters.

The folks at Mom Select and Cepia Toy decided to choose Phoenix and the Phoenix-metro areas to invade and unveil “Go Go Pets.” Go Go Pets are great because they mimic real life pets without all the fuss and my home was one chosen to review their hamster pets and the “habitrails” that were included.

So my family is the proud owner of a hamster named Mr. Squiggles. I am quite happy to have adopted and received Mr. Squiggles for a few reasons:

  1. No mess. Hamsters are stinky, they live in cages, and they have all sorts of junk they make messes with. YUCK
  2. Hamsters are a rodent….I hunt rodents like the pests they are. This rodent, you would never know he was and is a rodent.
  3. The feeding, the cleaning, all the excelsior cedar for their cages, we don’t need any of that.
  4. I never have to worry about him dying and explaining to the kids why we put him in a shoe box….I just crack him open and pop in new AAA batteries.

When the box arrived and I opened to see all the different habitrails I was a bit overwhelmed and spent a good amount of time putting the pieces together. Not that there is a lot to them, just there were a number of habit areas for the little rodent. Plus having an antsy five year old doesn’t help when you are trying to put something together as fast as you can so they can begin playing. So here is what some of the “habitrails” looked like partially assembled:

Now with any toy and or new animal you have to find a place for them and they all have little quirks, ticks, and annoyances for some parents, here are mine:

  1. Immediately had to change the batteries. As with any new toy as the batteries installed are for demo use only and not full play so they die within an hour of hard play.
  2. The habitrail comes apart easily requiring an adult to continuously put the contraptions back together.
  3. Mr. Squiggles didn’t like the wheel. He would fall over sideways, again requiring someone to fix him or get him off the wheel altogether.
  4. The hamster is ALWAYS making noise. I don’t mind toys that make noise, but there should be some shut off timer that after some time and no response the thing shuts up!
  5. He likes to back up A LOT, so going forward around the habitrail was a task for Mr. Squiggles.

Now I am not saying anything bad about the toy itself, just that I have higher preferences as a parent and mom about some of the toys my kids play with. Overall though my oldest boy LOVES Mr. Squiggles and the Go Go Pets toy. My twins, they like it because they can play demolition team on the house and chase the little fur ball. My philosophy is if the kids like it and are happy with the toy with no complaints….I’m good as well.

Here is a good deal about Go Go Pets…..you get one too!! Yup, you get your very own hamster and a habitrail. No muss or fuss of a real hamster, but your kids get to enjoy all the endless hours and entertainment that the cute little rodent brings! He has a love setting where he purrs for you and talks and his Go Go setting where he is on the move! Want to win your own Go Go Pet and habitrail? Here is what you will get:

One Hamster – Chunk

One habitrail – Car & Garage

Now here are all the rules for playing and you must post a comment for each entry and the additional entries thereafter to increase your odds (1 comment = 1 entry, Rinse and Repeat). Let me also say…if you don’t follow the rules…..no loot…….no email, no loot, rules are made for a reason and to avoid spammers! So let the fun begin:

  1. Follow my blog and tell me you do so or have done so, make sure you leave a valid email addy. (Worth 1 entry)
  2. Subscribe to my blog in a feed, then come tell me you did so. (Worth 1 entry)
  3. Follow me on Twitter @KariewithaK come back and tell me so (Worth 2 entries)
  4. Tweet my giveaway on Twitter, come back and tell me you did, one per day please! (Worth 3 entries)
  5. Grab my button to your right, add it to your blog, come back and give me the link showing you did! (Worth 5 entries)
  6. Tell me why you would want one of these cute little fur balls for your kiddos, with your valid email addy. (Worth 2 entries)
  7. Blog about this giveaway with the Mom Select button below and my button, come back and give me the link. (Worth 6 entries!!)
Now if you do not provide a valid email address you will be excluded from the drawing. The giveaway ends on June 7th @ Midnight AZ Time. I will choose a winner from Random.org

Good luck and have fun!

Sun Protection Zone, MFS EyeWear Review & GIVEAWAY

Summer is upon us. I really thought maybe the hot summer days wouldn’t creep in until say June, but I had to settle for mid-May. Which means in Arizona you are having 100+ degree days from the middle of May until say October. FABULOUS! This in turn means lots of outdoor time in the pool or playing in the water outside. So when I was contacted to review these products I was thrilled!

SPF, or your Sun Protection Factor, is a biggie when outdoors. While the temperatures may or may not be scorching your skin will be, especially for little gnomes and munchkins. Your typical sunscreen needs to be applied 30 minutes before outdoor or water activities. Most parents slather or spray the stuff on and send kids on their way, in most cases the kids are partially protected, but the sunscreen will need to be reapplied in a shorter amount of time.
Sunscreen generally is reapplied every two hours. Well when you are out by the pool or in the water swimming you lose all concept of time and in some cases protections. The same can be said for any outdoor activity like hiking, yard work, leisurely walks, literally any outdoor activity. Some people just totally forget to reapply until they see that they are turning a different shade of brown, pink, red, or purple for the severely sun burned individual. Adding sunscreen at that point is useless, you are burned and you will continue to do so even afterward.
So the folks at Sun Protection Zone and MFS EyeWear sent some super fantastic sun protection products for my little Squids and Big G to test out. Who better to test than these three! They are the ultimate destruction team. Give them less than a minute and they can destroy ANYTHING.
Before we go into all the cool things, here is what Sun Protection Zone has to say about their product offerings and some snippets about sun protection:
Understanding the Ratings:
What’s the difference between UPF & SPF?
SPF
SPF is the ratio of time required to produce minimal erythema (redness) when a sunscreen products has been applied compared to the time required to produce the same amount of erythema without the sunscreen. This means, if skin reddening takes 20 minutes with a person who is using no protection, theoretically, the use of a sunscreen with an SPF of 15 would prevent reddening 15 times longer (about 5 hours).
UPF

 

Australian researchers introduced the term Ultraviolet Protection Factor (UPF) in 1996. It defines the amount of Ultraviolet light (UVL) that penetrates a fabric. UPF is a ranking of fabrics according to how much UVL penetration occurs based on standardized criteria. For example, a UPF rating of 30 would indicate that 1/30 of the UVL hitting the fabric actually penetrates it. Therefore, fabric with tighter weaves and thicker fibers will have a higher UPF.
Factors Affecting the Rating
Tightness of knit or weave: basically the tighter the weave, the higher the SPF/UPF. When a fabric is stretched, the tightness of the weave diminishes, resulting in increased UVL transmission. *Thicker fabrics have higher SPF/UPF than thinner fabrics. When fabric gets wet, its SPF/UPF can decrease dramatically. Wet cotton can lose up to 50% of its SPF/UPF. This is because water reduces the scattering of UVL, thereby increasing its transmission of harmful ultraviolet rays. Dark colors are more protective than white. In a study of identical fabrics, which were either white or dyed, it was found that white cotton fabrics had an UPF of 12, whereas a similarly constructed black fabric had UPF of 32. In testing polyester, the studies showed that a white polyester was a 16 UPF and black polyester was a 34 UPF. The popular view that white is more sun protective than dark colors is erroneous.
Why Buy Sun Protection Zone
For every website purchase of Sun Protection Zone products, a portion of the proceeds will be given to the American Melanoma Foundation.
Products include:
  • SunSkinz – children’s rash guards/suits are composed of four- way breathable stretch materials designed to equal 100% SPF protection against harmful UVA/UVB rays and come in a variety of cool colors and patterns. Diaper snaps are conveniently available in toddler sizes to ensure maximum comfort for even the youngest of children.
  • DuckSkinz – adult rash guard/zip up jackets perfect for any outdoor enthusiast as it provides protection against the elements – including water. Tightly woven with proprietary fibers, the material effectively repels water while also providing 100% SPF protection against UVA/UVB rays.
  • Sun Hats – for children and adults are comprised of ultra protective microfiber for comfortable protection. Adult hats incorporate an adjustable feature while the children’s legionnaire hats are available in several fun and bold colors.Sunglasses – 100% UVA/UVB protective eye wear with wraparound adjustable neoprene band is available in an assortment of fresh colors, patterns and styles for infants and children to choose from.

 

  • UV Solar Monitor Wristbands – Coat the bands with the same sunscreen you’ve applied and it instantly activates! The band changes colors throughout the day to indicate when to reapply sunscreen and once more to indicate when to seek shade. Packaged as 7 bands per box, use them for the day and then throw them away.

So here is the skinny on my kids and the Sun Protection Zone gear. Pickles Magoo was less than enthused….fashion is not a big deal for the boy. Little Bitty, well she was more than happy to oblige. Big G, the boy couldn’t contain himself. You would have thought it was Christmas Day the way he grabbed the outfit and ran. Here is said outfit….at least I got some beauty shots before my beautiful son put it on:

Now here is the best part. Every good looking outfit needs accessories right? Well Sun Protection Zone and the folks at MFS EyeWear sent some great shades for the Squids! The twins got these really cool looking hats and sunglasses. I know…sunglasses?!!
Here is the skinny on MFS EyeWear:

KIDS ARE AT GREATER RISK FROM UV RAYS

How often do you see families out in the sun, the grown-ups wearing sunglasses while the kids are squinting, blinded by the light?

Just seeing in bright sunshine is difficult without shades, and the fact is that kids’ eyes are more susceptible to sun damage than adults’ eyes. The American Academy of Ophthalmology says, “Like your skin, your eyes never recover from UV exposure,” and, driving home the point, “exposure to bright sunlight increases the risk of developing cataracts, macular degeneration, and growths on the eye, including malignancies.”

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, until they’re about 10 years old children are at an increased risk for permanent retinal damage from sunlight. Exposure to UVA and UVB rays can lead to eye disease, such as macular degeneration, which scientists now believe is a leading cause of blindness in adults.

Of course, some sunlight is good for everyone. Sunlight is one of our main sources of vitamin D. (It’s amazing what our bodies can do.) But just like sunburn on skin, too much sunlight causes sunburn of the eyes, a condition called photokeratitis. Extended exposure to the sun during childhood has been linked to cataracts in adults.

82% of parents encourage children to wear sunscreen, but only 32% do the same for sunglasses. It’s time to take seriously the health risk sunlight poses to our kids’ eyes.

Whose kid would wear sunglasses?

MINE

Squids are coated with SPF 50 Sunscreen

Needless to say Big G loved his suit. His pose is of him being a super hero (super villain is what he told DH and I) *insert sound effects by five year old boy. Now he is all excited to wear the suit on Thursday for his last day of school and water day…and we’re going to let him. Now here is the best part for all of my loyal readers and new subscribers!!!!

*Drum roll………
You get to win these goodies. Now here are all the rules for playing and you must post for each entry and the additional entries thereafter to increase your odds
(1 comment = 1 entry, Rinse and Repeat). Let me also say…if you don’t follow the rules…..no loot, no email, no loot, rules are made for a reason and to avoid spammers!

  1. Your first entry to win is to follow this blog, and tell me you did or you are currently a follower. (Comment to tell me you follow or are a new follower)
  2. Go check out MFS EyeWear and Sun Protection Zone, tell me what items you like the most for your munchkin or munchkins including sizes. Worth 2 entries.
  3. Follow me on Twitter @KariewithaK. Worth 2 entries.
  4. Tweet the giveaway, come back and tell me you did! (One per day please) Worth 3 entries.
  5. Grab my button, add it to your blog page, come back and tell me you did along with a little linky for me to check ‘er out. Worth 5 entries.
  6. Buy something from MFS EyeWear or Sun Protection Zone, email me your purchase confirmation (minus CC details and such), I will email you a code. Come back and give me the code which is worth 5 more entries!
  7. Blog about this giveaway, come back and tell me about it. Worth 2 entries.
Easy peasy right?!
You MUST provide a
valid email address in order to win. No valid email….no loot and the booty goes to the next winner in line.

Alright the contest ends on *June 3rd 2009 @ Midnight Arizona Time.
The Winner will be chosen by Random.org.
The contest date has been extended.

The Nerve of Some People…

You know THOSE people. You know the ones that have the nerve, those pots, to call on us kettles? Yes, those rat bastards. I highly dislike them at moments when comments are slung like mud in a wrestling match, I mean, give me some goggles before hand will you!

DH and I were talking today about our typical nonsense. We generally have nothing important to say to each other during the day since he works out of the house. I babble on about housework, kids, bills, and all he hears is “Blah blah…blah blah, yadda blah. Yadda yadda blah.” Then he goes on to tell me about his job and his happenings with his job and all I hear is “Piss and moan, piss and moan.”

Anyway, I mention to him about my loot that I got in the mail today. I mean the mail lady might as well have been Santa in shorts with the packages. I received my products to review on the kids, among other things. So, I being the excited bloggy, tweeting, over-excited, don’t talk to anyone over the age of six during the day, run out to his office to share in my cheerleader-esque tone all my good news and excitement. We banter on about who knows what while I show him all the booty, and I mention how I can’t wait to blog about it.

Then he has the nerve. To tell me. Make sure you don’t forget to twitter that and whatever hell else you do.

Mmmhmmm.

Right. I told him, yes I do have my addiction to blogging, which by the way is more therapy than an addiction. Blogging is much cheaper than my $75 per hour therapist, whom I do love and adore, but heck I’m cheap….I blog! So I have my addiction, but my addiction is yielding some great stuff for the kids and WOM for these companies, thats what matters. Then, in all my wit, I call him out on his pot stance:

Mmmhmmm, and this WoW (World of Warcraft), do I see WoW yielding any goods? Is WoW going to one day pay the bills? (In reference to my writing among other things) I don’t think so, because you have to disconnect to make REAL money….WoW gold doesn’t count.

Then he proceeds to tell me….something….I kind of phased him out, oh right, he asked, so you going to go blog and tweet…….and I turned ever so nicely to close the door. I leaned out the door just enough to still be in the room to tell him:

No dear, I am actually going to make dinner. You know what dinner is right? You know, the meal after lunch and generally before breakfast the following day…..a meal you haven’t made in a while. Then I peer through the window as I shut the door giving him the most Nanna Nanna Boo Boo face ever.

I know…I am such an adult.

Here you go Mom….

This will be one of my TMI blog posts.

I know other Mom’s who have had these moments…..

And you wanted to blog about it……..

And it was hilarious…..but just TMI

Welcome to the dark side as I tell you my TMI tale.

DH decided he would take Big G to the movies. We debated about the movie because the movie was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I really didn’t have a problem except for the possible violence, but I know the kid has seen worse and heard worse on the news. Plus he is a HUGE superhero fan like no other. Anyway, the big boys were gone leaving me with the Squids. They were sleeping the entire time. YAY for me. I got to blog, finish an article, surf the net, write another article, write some of my paper that I have no interest in.

Needless to say I got a LOT done. So Pickles and Little Bitty finally wake up and I feed them their lunch and I have an issue. I HAVE to go to the bathroom. Sure no problem right, just go!

Not so easy. You see, Little Bitty is fearless, a trained escape artist and clown extraordinaire. I cannot leave her in her high chair alone, she climbs out and pretends that she is King Kong of the high chair, shaking it wildly, screaming and barking like a dog… you get the picture. So I am fearful she will fall and break something.

So I hurriedly remove them from their high chairs and beeline down the hall to the bathroom.

Here is the deal………………..I’m stalling I know……………………..my Aunt Flo is not kind to me. Never has been. I have NASTY back pain. I mean I would rather have back labor again than to have the back pain Aunt Flo provides. Aunt Flo is visiting me, she dropped in today. Lovely. When Aunt Flo visits she also brings other issues south of the border…..like BM issues. Not the pipes are clogged, oh no, my pipes are runneth over.

I make it to the bathroom and forget to shut the door….easy to do in my house when in a hurry. So Pickles Magoo decides he is going to strollingly crawl into the bathroom and keep an eye on his favorite woman, which happens to be me. While diddling in the bathroom keeping an eye on me he becomes distracted.

WHAT WAS THAT BELLOWING ECHO

COMING FROM THAT PORCELAIN SEAT?

Yes. The boy heard what no woman wants to admit she does…..SHART.

Oh, I could feel the flush in my face. I am not quite sure why it mattered because I was looking straight at a person who craps his pants ALL the time. He has no shame, he thinks his penis is an attached play toy, his butt is a tickle zone, why am I embarrassed.

But then more. More noise, I am a scene straight out of Dumb & Dumber and all I can do is finish so I can not be in this white room with a small child watching me. And then……he tries to help me in my moment of total nature nastiness………..

The sweet little boy with the cutest cheeks, happy smile, pale skin, and bold blue eyes looks up with his precious smiling face and hands me a diaper.

Yes ladies…….my 15 month old hands me a diaper.

At that moment I was so proud to know that I gave birth to such an intelligent child that he knew that what I needed……was a diaper.

Questionable Questions

These words are words, phrases, sentences, questions, inquiries you never want to hear uttered from the mouth of your loving DH. I have heard these and in most instances I can answer with one word, a smile, or the look with the eyebrow. Ladies you know that look. The one where you look at DH or some other poor dolt inquirer.

You look at them like “Did you really just ask me that and do you expect an intelligent answer to your clearly daft question?”

So here are a few crowd pleasers that I incur from DH, strangers in Costco who cannot help themselves, and other dolts:

1. Are these clean or dirty? (text can be applied to dishes or clothes)

My response is the look, then I tell him….well do they stink? Do they have gunk on them? Which appliance are they in…dryer means they are dry….after being cleaned! Dishwasher, do they look clean to you?

2. Did you feed the kids yet?

Hmmm, no I was too busy blogging, Tweeting, sending emails that I decided to pour Cheerios all over the floor and let them forage for a few hours before I actually got around to making them a meal.

3. Are you already showered?

I generally smell of my designer perfume (Ralph Lauren Glamorous is one of my faves), I have fresh make-up instead of my Frankenstein Bride eyes, and my shoes are on…..what do you think?

4. Oh wow, are they identical?

Considering that identical means the same…..hmmmm….well one has a penis and the other a vagina…highly doubt they are the same.

5. Do twins run in your family?

This is a “digger” as I call them. Some random unknown individual decides they need to know whether you needed invitro or not to start up a lengthy conversation. Believe me if I had invitro, I would be in a straight jacket….born to breed!

6. How do you do it?

I mean really do I have a choice in this life? I was given a couple of peaches, a pear, and other fruits in my life…I made a salad.

7. What’s for dinner?

Let me ask “Cookie” since she’s in there whipping up some gourmet delight with macaroni and cheese, turkey burger…….why don’t you make dinner for once. Oh right, if it doesn’t have instructions you are lost.

8. (laying peacefully, quietly in bed as I doze into my slumber wonderland) You going to sleep?

What was the first clue?

9. Have you seen my shoes? belt? jeans? Other random article of clothing belonging to someone else OTHER than moi.

Let’s see, I tried it on but was clashing with my shoes today and my other ensemble.

10. Are they all your children?

No, I got these two on sale from a lady down the street and this one the UFO dropped off six years ago. We’re still waiting for them to come back for him.

11. Do they all have the same daddy?

Nope….I decided it would be fun to have twins from two different fathers, and my oldest looks nothing (identical) like his father. I got that question from a dude at Home Depot one day.

12. Is that you or the dog?

Do we really need to go there?

13. Did you clean the house?

Nope, a truckload of munchkins, dwarves and fairies swooped in today and did it all for me, then even left a pair of ruby red slippers for me.

14. Are you going to wear that?

Why does it make my ass look any smaller? If so heck ya! It’s black, does it get any better?

15. Are you going somewhere?

Keys in hand, purse (diaper bag) on shoulders, sunglasses….nope…this is how I stroll around the house.

16. Are the twins asleep?

I don’t hear anything…..do you? (*crickets) Oh wait, there they are, duct taped to the wall, no wonder the house was so quiet.

17. (sitting on the comode) What are you doing?

(Do I truly have to answer?)…..I’m thinking. I do my best thinking with my pants at my ankles sitting on the latrine with little people and adults looking at me.

*UPDATE
18. This one is courtesy of Jenjen @ Gotta Love Mom : Are you tired?

Let’s see I am a mom…..first clue….I wear many hats (chauffeur, maid, dog walker, gardener, pool guy/girl, sex goddess, domestic diva, the list is endless)…second clue….and my work seems to never be done is the final clue. So you tell me….are you tired from listening to me?

19. These are from my dear twin Mom blogger Beth @ Be Careful What You Wish For: “oh my god, what are you going to do?” (The question when you tell people you are going to have twins)

Beth and I were separated at birth, twin moms have this sick sense of humor, which is why God deemed us fit enough to bear and care for more than one child at the same time. Here is Beth’s answer and I almost choked I was laughing so hard:

“i always wished i had the guts to say “actually, we’ve been looking into black market baby sales and it seems like a good deal. i think we are just going to sell them on the internet.”

20. Another Beth question and answer that I love! “Are you marrying your baby’s father?”

Can you imagine if i were to ask people this question in reverse?!?! “Oh, is this baby your husband’s?” (Go give Beth some comment love and a follow, she’s got some great stuff going on her blog! Just click on her linky above)

Do you have any obvious questions that never truly need answers, but find a shady form of comedy to entertain the question to keep from losing your mind. Leave your comments, I would love to share with other Mom’s and Dad’s. Happy Friday!

Keep the comments coming ladies….you know you have had some really stupid questions asked that you where you have experienced a hidden urge to slap the person who asked. All in good fun.

If it’s too good to be true…..

Then the offer generally is and not legit. I have learned this lesson the hard way in my life. The good life comes with LOTS and LOTS of hard work, elbow grease, suffering sometimes, pain, but most of all blood, sweat, and tears of hard work. I know, as most other working folks do, the good life and good things in life come with that price.

However, in this economy people are willing to do anything, no matter how simple or how complex to make a living. Unfortunately too, there are some real shit bags that will take you for all you are worth. They strip you of your bank account first, and then the rest of your life is stripped because you cannot afford to maintain your life, and finally, you are stripped of your pride.

Folks, take heed in these hard economic times. Don’t be a victim to scammers, easy jobs that may require a little bit of hard work but not a lot in the grand scheme are scams. Anything and I mean ANYTHING that wants you to pay money up front is a bunch of HOGWASH!! I have worked in the car business, mortgages, sales, finance, and I have never asked anyone for money on something that they didn’t get the product and work hard to get it, first! Never give out your credit card number, bank account, nothing!! If you want to know where I am going with this, please go check out my sister Brittany’s blog where she talks about how our brother got scammed and he isn’t the only one, especially in this rough economy where jobs are scarce. Below is also the names of the websites of the scamming companies to watch for.

Leaving you with my favorite quote from
The Weatherman (2005) with Nicholas Cage and Michael Caine:
Nothing that has meaning is easy.