Oldest Child Syndrome

Being the oldest child of any family is a real pain in the neck. Really, it sucks a giant goats ear if you have to know. Speaking, clearly, from experience.

I, am the oldest of 5 children. Not all from the same mother. Hang in there….
I have 2 “blood” siblings from my mother, then 2 “half” siblings from their mother.
Our common denominator is…..our father (yeah he was a man whore).

Now being the oldest of THAT many siblings is trying at best. My youngest (half) sister completely looked up to me and thought I was and am the most beautiful person ever. Very sweet of her, granted she just turned 20 so I chalk her up to being naive and not as jaded as I am. My younger sister, the sister I called my baby sister, poor dear always felt the need to live up to me. She too thought I was some goddess of heaven, I think, when we were growing up. Only recently did she find that I am not, nor was I ever, perfect.
Perfectly flawed really, but far far far from perfect.

My mother. Ah, yes, my mother. I was the first. I was the guinea pig. I was the one child you learn from, make all your mistakes with, wish the world for, expect the most out of. Yes, I was the ultimate mold, the continuous masterpiece in progress.

I EFFING HATE BEING THE OLDEST!

I love my mother dearly, but when she gets around me and starts “mothering” me in front of other people like I am still that masterpiece to be molded, my pitchfork and horns begin to poke through my skin and I can feel the fiery wrath of hell behind me just waiting to be unleashed at my command. I understand and love that she is my mother, I would ask for NO OTHER, however, STOP with the crap. And let me explain the crap…..and of course I am the only child who gets it….because you see I am the unconventional, NEVER have listened to my mother, oldest child. Strong willed, my way or the high way, you are always wrong I am always right oldest child. The other children get her crap…..but not to the extent I get it, because I am the first and oldest child, forever and always, the oldest child.

Here is how the “crap” was laid today in my “perfect” kingdom.

My mother, God-mother (yes I really have one of those….my folks were old school), sister, nieces and nephew all came to visit and play in the pool today at my house. I love visitors, because they visit and then they leave. Not like guests…guests stay a while….I hate guests. Anyway, the women are sitting around the kitchen yakking like a bunch of hens would while the children played when we began discussing children. I hate this discussion…..always have….I was hounded by a MIL for years about bearing fruit for her and what does she do? Never visits. Gosh, off on another tangent…sheesh! See this is why I have a therapist.
OK…..where was I?
Oh yes, the discussion about children.

Mom is telling god-mom all about my sister, myself and our brother and how many children we each have, planned to have, going to have, are not going to have anymore. Yadda Yadda Yadda My mother, being the snipe she can be threw out into the conversation about my situation with more children, like I really need more children…with my history,

“Well in my mind you are not done having children yet since neither you or C are fixed yet!”

“That does not mean we are going to have more children mother, this just means that we have craptastic health insurance and the cost of “FIXING” the flowering fruit is out of our budget, so what is in our budget is condoms.”

“No! You are not done yet. Until that deed is done, in my mind you are not done.”

“Not going to argue with you about MY uterus and HIS penis.”

ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO KNOW?

Now my mom never means these comments as a joke, or a kid, or I’m just saying. No, she says this to drive me mad. Half the time I want to reach over and choke her. Does she NOT understand the brutality I went through with my pregnancies? With my journey to motherhood? Does she truly not get that I AM DONE?!

Sister on the other hand, she chimed in how she is fixed, which mom backed her 100% that she is done having kids. (No offense Britt….you know how Mom can be)

???????????????????? Are you serious????????????????????

See as the oldest child we are pushed to the very edge of being perfect, we have to meet these untold standards. What standards? Where is the damn book that says “You must be this tall to ride this ride.” I find myself riding on Big G in that manner and I have made a conscious decision to stop, because I do NOT want the boy to end up like me. Resenting the comments his mother makes. I also do not want him to constantly be in pursuit of something that is unattainable and does not exist……PERFECTION. He is perfect in my eyes just the way he is, no better no worse. He is my creation and that makes him perfect.

I just do not understand why moms push the oldest children as hard as they do. I mean my life is challenging enough WITHOUT the childhood minutiae my mother can bring to the table.

So Mom, I love you, but do me a favor and keep your crappy comments to yourself. Even if you think you are just making cute jabs that are jokes or what have you….I really don’t need anymore hell in my life. Bad enough hell is my neighbor, I’d like for it to remain so.

Meet the Author

Karie Herring

Karie Herring rambles of a former life in Phoenix, AZ while raising a teen and tween twins in their new home in Orlando, FL. She has been featured in AOL Money & Finance, Betty Confidential and Career School Now. She's a full-time technical writer, functional fitness athlete, overachieving wife and mom. She loves talking about maneuvering motherhood, womanhood, and her passion for essential oils and natural living.

8 comments… add one
  • Stesha Jun 16, 2009, 1:35 pm

    Your mom so sounds like my mom. She thinks I can do everything by myself. Because I'm the oldest.

    My sister had a c-section and my mom took off from work and moved in with her just so she could help her out until she healed.

    When I had my c-section from hell with the twins. In which I didn't heal like normal people, couldn't walk for almost three weeks etc. She offered words of comfort…over the phone. Yeah!

    We should really be BFFs. I'm the oldest of 5. My dad is a man-whore. Sorry dad! I also have a God-Mother.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  • Equidae Jun 16, 2009, 1:54 pm

    i am the youngest but have the same prob….so its not just a first born issue

  • Stacie Jun 16, 2009, 2:28 pm

    At least I am not alone on the inlaw deal. My inlaws don't come around to the kids. Sad… But I will leave it at that and be nice because I could write a book. LOL I don't have siblings but my father is like your mother… and it drives me crazy!!

  • beth Jun 16, 2009, 3:29 pm

    as the oldest of four, i totally get where you are coming from! so much is expected from us, it is insane! i have five kids of my own, yet i am the one expected to do things. it makes me even crazier than i already am! i, too, seriously hope that i am not doing the same thing to my oldest. i do think it is different for boy oldest children, though, which makes that a whole other blog post on it's own!

  • Lizz Jun 16, 2009, 9:07 pm

    I'm the oldest but my experience is not like that. My mom was still a child when she had me. I have all of the first born traits (leader, planner, bossy, etc) with out the overbearing mother. LOL!

  • Mrs. Fish: aka Two Fish Jun 16, 2009, 9:58 pm

    Okay I was so worried that I was the only one, other than DH of course, who has a mother like that. I love my mom…just not her mothering! I love you ladies for stopping by!

  • Aubrey Jun 17, 2009, 4:19 am

    I could have written most of this post. Seriously!

    WOW. You hit the nail on the head with SO many points.

    I too hate being the oldest. Blech.

  • HollyB Jun 19, 2009, 4:46 pm

    ha ha, oldest syndrome..I know how you feel. I only have one sibling, BUT I am surrounded by "babies" Both my parents were the "babies" of the family, my brother was the "baby" ALL 4 of my grandparents were the "babies" of the family, and now my husband… yep, the "baby" AHHH…Being a first born, is hard, especially when no one understands you. (funny, my bridesmaids were all firstborns)

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