A conversation took place yesterday that really stirred a fire in me. Feelings of disappointment and frustration and general what the hell. The conversation was about how a judgment and rather several judgments have been made about me in many fashions. The verdict was clearly out by my family and the sad part is that I have to present proof otherwise, ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. Sad really to have to present your own case to the ones in life who should know you best. Secondly I watched as some vicious idiot judged me publicly and without a conscience on the Internet. Bad move moron, and yes, that is my judgment of her.
But what I find more damning is that people claim to be “open minded” and “not judgmental” all the time, yet they make claims that clearly exhibit a form of judgment. More or less they have predetermined a person, situation, fuck it lets just say they assumed for the sake that the euphemism of assumption is fun. Mainly because we can say ASS and we are not referring to a buck toothed cousin of a horse.
What I am amazed by is not by the act of judgment, we all pre-judge to some degree in life, I am amazed by the wicked passing of judgment. The fact people will vomit malevolent statements based on their own ignorance. We were raised by a certain set of ethical standards and morals, or okay not WE, but a vast majority of people were raised in this fashion. These morals and ethical standards began to evolve as we grow through life. Sometimes the evolution means skewed lines or obtuse views or even the idea that these “rules” are tossed aside and ignored completely. However, others are so tightly gripped to their narrow guidelines that their worldly acceptance is so unswerving.
Yes that was my judgment that I think those people are ignorant. I pass judgment, we have all passed judgment, but to judge the PERSON is a separate act than to judge the situation, the person’s beliefs. Albeit judgment does NOT mean we have to destroy an individual, violate their boundaries, assassinate or crucify them in any fashion.
For example, many loved ones in my life CHOOSE to live a different lifestyle than me. More specifically, The Chad’s uncle is a gay man, openly gay. I commend him for his openness in a world that is so cruel and judgmental. His lifestyle is not for me, probably because I am a woman, however we do share a common penile infatuation. Ergo if I was a man, I would be gay. But I do not tell him that HE or his life is wrong, nor do I judge anything else about him or his lifestyle, because his life is not wrong, nor is his love. He is a helluva good man, and good cook might I add! Another example is my mother who has been together with her “spouse,” the man I refer to as my father (step-father for specifics people), they have been together for over 20 years and have not exchanged vows. Do I judge my mother for this, nope. Have I made a judgment regarding living together and marriage and all that “conservative” minutiae about traditional “marriage” and “living in sin?” Sure, but my view is, “Different strokes for different folks.” Considering I am married and have been married for 1o years I can see how my mother may not want to marry again, I can totally see and understand. So I do not judge her, I accept her decision and do not judge to be wrong.
Maybe the fact remains is that people judge so harshly based on his or her own fears, insecurities, bold jealousy, or the flat fact that they REFUSE to accept that other people have a way of life very different from his or her own. Thus they shove their opinion and “their way” down another’s throat, going as far as to violate boundaries, destroy relationships, exhibit public humiliation, and failing to find the even keel to say “I agree to disagree, your life, your decisions, not mine, no bearing.”
I know I have played judge and jury. I was young, still am if you ask me….my 30s are like my 20s only stronger, hotter, and way smarter. But I was very immature and made judgments about people and rather than making a judgment about a choice. I have since paid due to right my wrongs and display a level of neutrality and openness, hence my registered Republican voting card, choice of a democratic president, ALL FOR same sex marriage, and family values. Isn’t that a cluster fuck…
So I ask you, why judge so harshly? What are we teaching our children with these actions? Have you ever judged so harshly and thought “Why be like the rest of the cattle?” or are you on the opposite spectrum “I am right and the way I know is right and so damn you and your (*insert actions, beliefs, etc)!” Why is agreeing to disagree about views, opinions, and a way of life so hard to do? Does judgment have to do with control? Trying to control others and their actions? What’s your verdict?