Judge and Jury

A conversation took place yesterday that really stirred a fire in me. Feelings of disappointment and frustration and general what the hell. The conversation was about how a judgment and rather several judgments have been made about me in many fashions. The verdict was clearly out by my family and the sad part is that I have to present proof otherwise, ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. Sad really to have to present your own case to the ones in life who should know you best. Secondly I watched as some vicious idiot judged me publicly and without a conscience on the Internet. Bad move moron, and yes, that is my judgment of her.

But what I find more damning is that people claim to be “open minded” and “not judgmental” all the time, yet they make claims that clearly exhibit a form of judgment. More or less they have predetermined a person, situation, fuck it lets just say they assumed for the sake that the euphemism of assumption is fun. Mainly because we can say ASS and we are not referring to a buck toothed cousin of a horse.

What I am amazed by is not by the act of judgment, we all pre-judge to some degree in life, I am amazed by the wicked passing of judgment. The fact people will vomit malevolent statements based on their own ignorance. We were raised by a certain set of ethical standards and morals, or okay not WE, but a vast majority of people were raised in this fashion. These morals and ethical standards began to evolve as we grow through life. Sometimes the evolution means skewed lines or obtuse views or even the idea that these “rules” are tossed aside and ignored completely. However, others are so tightly gripped to their narrow guidelines that their worldly acceptance is so unswerving.

thefivefish.com, judgment

Yes that was my judgment that I think those people are ignorant. I pass judgment, we have all passed judgment, but to judge the PERSON is a separate act than to judge the situation, the person’s beliefs. Albeit judgment does NOT mean we have to destroy an individual, violate their boundaries, assassinate or crucify them in any fashion.

For example, many loved ones in my life CHOOSE to live a different lifestyle than me. More specifically, The Chad’s uncle is a gay man, openly gay. I commend him for his openness in a world that is so cruel and judgmental. His lifestyle is not for me, probably because I am a woman, however we do share a common penile infatuation. Ergo if I was a man, I would be gay. But I do not tell him that HE or his life is wrong, nor do I judge anything else about him or his lifestyle, because his life is not wrong, nor is his love. He is a helluva good man, and good cook might I add! Another example is my mother who has been together with her “spouse,” the man I refer to as my father (step-father for specifics people), they have been together for over 20 years and have not exchanged vows. Do I judge my mother for this, nope. Have I made a judgment regarding living together and marriage and all that “conservative” minutiae about traditional “marriage” and “living in sin?” Sure, but my view is, “Different strokes for different folks.” Considering I am married and have been married for 1o years I can see how my mother may not want to marry again, I can totally see and understand. So I do not judge her, I accept her decision and do not judge to be wrong.

Maybe the fact remains is that people judge so harshly based on his or her own fears, insecurities, bold jealousy, or the flat fact that they REFUSE to accept that other people have a way of life very different from his or her own. Thus they shove their opinion and “their way” down another’s throat, going as far as to violate boundaries, destroy relationships, exhibit public humiliation, and failing to find the even keel to say “I agree to disagree, your life, your decisions, not mine, no bearing.”

I know I have played judge and jury. I was young, still am if you ask me….my 30s are like my 20s only stronger, hotter, and way smarter. But I was very immature and made judgments about people and rather than making a judgment about a choice. I have since paid due to right my wrongs and display a level of neutrality and openness, hence my registered Republican voting card, choice of a democratic president, ALL FOR same sex marriage, and family values. Isn’t that a cluster fuck…

So I ask you, why judge so harshly?  What are we teaching our children with these actions? Have you ever judged so harshly and thought “Why be like the rest of the cattle?” or are you on the opposite spectrum “I am right and the way I know is right and so damn you and your (*insert actions, beliefs, etc)!” Why is agreeing to disagree about views, opinions, and a way of life so hard to do? Does judgment have to do with control? Trying to control others and their actions? What’s your verdict?

Meet the Author

Karie Herring

Karie Herring rambles of a former life in Phoenix, AZ while raising a teen and tween twins in their new home in Orlando, FL. She has been featured in AOL Money & Finance, Betty Confidential and Career School Now. She's a full-time technical writer, functional fitness athlete, overachieving wife and mom. She loves talking about maneuvering motherhood, womanhood, and her passion for essential oils and natural living.

10 comments… add one
  • MamaOtwins+1 Mar 12, 2010, 10:17 am

    I’m not a superreligious person – but judgement should be reserved for the almighty, not for us.

    I’ve also heard that people judge in others what they dislike most in themselves.

    As for me, my in-laws – together 30 years, still not married. I have an aunt and an uncle who are gay – one open one not. So what. It’s their life, they should lead it.

    My theory is, it’s your life, you lead it. I haven’t walked in your shoes, I don’t know where you’ve been. Therefore I don’t give a crap what decisions you make as long as they do not poorly affect my immediate family. Make poor decisions that affect my house, especially my children and it is on like Donkey Kong.

    And I’ll shut up know.

    PS. Sometimes I do judge, I judged you by your cover (blog) and I think you’re awesome.

    • admin Mar 12, 2010, 2:41 pm

      R-O-F-L!! I could not agree more lady. I think when people make decisions based on THEM and not considering others in “judgment” you bet then we definitely jump at the judgment chance to say WTF!? But otherwise I totally agree, your life, no bearing on me, sorry to disappoint. I am ever so glad you judged me because I judged you and so glad we are blogaliciously friends. xoxo

  • Kayla Mar 12, 2010, 1:14 pm

    OMG! This post is like my feelings on the subject of judgment To. A. Tee-Seriously, I wouldn’t have been able to write it any better myself if I TRIED!

    I absolutely HATE it when my family and friends judge people, places or things. HATE IT! It angers me so much because I just want to slap them and say, ‘WTH!?’

    Of course I’m guilty of it myself, but I try to catch myself and change my line of thinking because I sure as hell would hate to be judged myself.

    I want to thank you very much for posting this!

    • admin Mar 12, 2010, 2:39 pm

      Kayla, you know we ALL judge. But I think its the manner in which we judge that should be taken into consideration. Especially because when we are judged…WHOA Nelly. Check out that offensive line when people are judged. *Put shoe on other foot* Usually works in that scenario. 😉

  • Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves Mar 12, 2010, 5:02 pm

    Well I think you’re right – we all judge. It’s what we do with that judgment that’s important. We may not choose to be like someone else, do what they do, say what they do, think how they think but as long as we don’t lord it over other people like we are the king of the world I think it’s alright to have a little judgment. If you’re a dick about it and try to incite hate and intolerance than I think you’re a bastard…but that’s just my judgment. 😉

  • LindsayDianne Mar 12, 2010, 5:54 pm

    This is the way I set it out for people: I won’t judge you because you’re gay. I’ll judge you if you’re a gay moron. I won’t judge you because you’re chinese… I will have an issue with you if you’re an asshole person who happens to be chinese.
    People don’t get it. Judge people by what is in their hearts, not by what they look like, or what label has been placed upon them. 🙂
    Great post. Very articulated.

  • LindsayDianne Mar 12, 2010, 5:56 pm

    *Very nicely articulated, is what that should have said.

  • Krystyn Mar 15, 2010, 6:13 am

    It is so hard to say that we don’t judge, but we certainly do. Every day. Every time we meet a person, we are judging them; their clothes, the way they look, the way they speak. We judge it all. But, when we truly get to know a person, that’s when judgments become problems. We have to keep an open mind, and while we share our own opinions, we have to let others have theirs.

  • Mel Mar 17, 2010, 8:40 pm

    I found this thanks to Kayla’s post and it’s so true. People are always way too quick to judge.

  • Badger Mom Mar 18, 2010, 12:58 pm

    By nature, I’m an observer. I tend to sit back and look around me, and just listen. I get ‘vibes’ about people. They’re usually spot on. Perhaps it’s because of my nature, that I also don’t have the tendency to judge people until I get to know them or know a lot about them. I try not to be judgmental, but inevitably it happens. Hopefully not in a negative way unless it is well deserved. I have relatively a pretty liberal philosophy. Whatever floats your boat unless it’s harmful to others. I respect different lifestyles and alternate lifestyle choices. Again, if it’s not harming anyone, leave it be. I’m not altogether certain how I reached my philosophy of life as I come from very a very prejudiced background. My parents cast judgment on everyone and anyone. Perhaps I just got sick of it. I mean, just because something might not be my cup of tea, doesn’t mean that the brew doesn’t work for someone else.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: