I know other Mom’s who have had these moments…..
And you wanted to blog about it……..
And it was hilarious…..but just TMI
Welcome to the dark side as I tell you my TMI tale.
DH decided he would take Big G to the movies. We debated about the movie because the movie was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I really didn’t have a problem except for the possible violence, but I know the kid has seen worse and heard worse on the news. Plus he is a HUGE superhero fan like no other. Anyway, the big boys were gone leaving me with the Squids. They were sleeping the entire time. YAY for me. I got to blog, finish an article, surf the net, write another article, write some of my paper that I have no interest in.
Needless to say I got a LOT done. So Pickles and Little Bitty finally wake up and I feed them their lunch and I have an issue. I HAVE to go to the bathroom. Sure no problem right, just go!
Not so easy. You see, Little Bitty is fearless, a trained escape artist and clown extraordinaire. I cannot leave her in her high chair alone, she climbs out and pretends that she is King Kong of the high chair, shaking it wildly, screaming and barking like a dog… you get the picture. So I am fearful she will fall and break something.
So I hurriedly remove them from their high chairs and beeline down the hall to the bathroom.
Here is the deal………………..I’m stalling I know……………………..my Aunt Flo is not kind to me. Never has been. I have NASTY back pain. I mean I would rather have back labor again than to have the back pain Aunt Flo provides. Aunt Flo is visiting me, she dropped in today. Lovely. When Aunt Flo visits she also brings other issues south of the border…..like BM issues. Not the pipes are clogged, oh no, my pipes are runneth over.
I make it to the bathroom and forget to shut the door….easy to do in my house when in a hurry. So Pickles Magoo decides he is going to strollingly crawl into the bathroom and keep an eye on his favorite woman, which happens to be me. While diddling in the bathroom keeping an eye on me he becomes distracted.
COMING FROM THAT PORCELAIN SEAT?
Oh, I could feel the flush in my face. I am not quite sure why it mattered because I was looking straight at a person who craps his pants ALL the time. He has no shame, he thinks his penis is an attached play toy, his butt is a tickle zone, why am I embarrassed.
But then more. More noise, I am a scene straight out of Dumb & Dumber and all I can do is finish so I can not be in this white room with a small child watching me. And then……he tries to help me in my moment of total nature nastiness………..
The sweet little boy with the cutest cheeks, happy smile, pale skin, and bold blue eyes looks up with his precious smiling face and hands me a diaper.
Yes ladies…….my 15 month old hands me a diaper.
At that moment I was so proud to know that I gave birth to such an intelligent child that he knew that what I needed……was a diaper.