Girls Aren’t Always Sugar and Spice

Girls are not sugar and spice and everything nice. Unless of course you are talking about the way they smell. And even then…some girls, chicks, and women are questionable. Whew!

So my Little Bitty is coming into her own. She is truly an independent child. We knew this from birth that no doubt she would be a spit fire. Sara came into this world with her eyes wide open not making a sound. She was already planning mass manipulations of our emotions. Even now though she is ever so curious. Her inquisitive mind wants to conquer, touch, explore, have, hold, and steal what her brothers do not share.

While I was taking a moment to go out to DH’s office which is literally 20 feet from the back door, give or take a foot or so, to drop off some paperwork that needed to be handled I thought all was one in the house. Big G was positioned on the couch watching an educational program about sponges and starfish (*cough Sponge Bob *cough) and the twins were playing together with Tupperware and the sorts, causing a mess that I could easily swoop up later in a dash. I was in the office literally no more than five minutes. Enough time to drop off my paperwork, say a few words to the hubs and back into the house to maintain order and finish my other work.

I come back into the house to see a few Goldfish strew through the kitchen and fireplace room, thinking nothing more than another mess to clean, I looked over to see this!!

Yes that folks is my Little Bitty. Sitting on my island. In the middle of my kitchen. When I came in she was originally positioned in the middle of my ceramic cooktop launching Goldfish into my fireplace room. She unrolled a roll of paper towels and was working on my SOLID GRANITE mortar and pestle. Thankfully she did not tackle that….I could only imagine the destruction caused by the heavy stone. I sent Big G off to grab his dad so that I could 1. get help cleaning her destruction and 2. proof that she is not the glowing angel she portrays to be.

My little “girl” or mountain goat is what I should call her. Pulled a dining chair from the table and began her ascent. Obviously did not take her long as I was not gone for long at all. Our table was promptly moved from the area where it was closest to the kitchen island to prevent further incidents….however, she managed to comquer the kitchen table again…with an accomplice (Seth, of course) and they began to chuck glass candles off the table. I can see them now….hiding out on the roof…throwing water balloons to poor pedestrians in the future. Hopefully they grow out of this!!

Back to School Blues

I really thought that everyone but me would dread returning to school. I counted every day and hour like they were my last. Yearning for that moment…..OF. SILENCE.

Hence, the moment never came. Yes, Big G is off to a full day of kindergarten. Last year was the young learner kindergarten because of his age, plus the program truly helped him develop those wonderful social and emotional skills when trekking off to the big bad world of education.

So he left the first day and with all honesty I sat around waiting for the call. The call to tell me he did something absolutely horrid. That he was a complete embarrassment to my parenting skills. I thought he would not be able to make it through the day without myself and his father. We were oh so wrong.

I really did not appreciate how much of a help and a great entertainment he was to the squids. I mean they all played so well together. And now that he is at school, the twins rely heavily on me to be their source of entertainment. Not so bad, except when I took my days to feed my reading addiction….which I am still having withdrawals about….so I am going to Barnes & Noble tomorrow for more reading…..my laundry and cleaning really piled up. Although, when Grant is at school, when the Squids find something they are interested in and leave me be then I can get A LOT done.

My other misconception that I had about the fatal return to school was that he would be bored. I am so glad he is not. Kindergarten is working on counting to 20 right now….which is mere child play, pardon the pun, to Big G. He can count to 100 and almost to 20 in Spanish. So when we pick him up everyday, we are so glad that he is telling us how much he loves school. The last few mornings he has even gotten up early enough to watch his little bit of cartoons, sing in our ears how excited he is to go back to school, and he isn’t arguing.

I think the back to school blues have got to be for the parents because I am so lucky to see that so far so good, my kid LOVES school, and I love that he is happy.

How was your back to school with the kids?

Smart Mouth Kids

I am amazed every day at what my kids will say. Especially now Big G who has done a few years of early learning before actually doing the whole kindergarten experience. Today, literally like 10 minutes ago DH challenged G to count to 20. Then he looked at me like…..WHAT DID I DO?!

Big G counted to 20, then 30, 40, all the way to one hundred and back. Needless to say the boy MAY get bored this year in kindergarten but we shall see.

Yesterday was like any other day. First day of school. The kid was wrecked as usual. His face was drained of any energy an life. I was left to pick up a five year old zombie in need of a fix of sorts. TV. The Wii. Brains. He got home explained to me his day and bolted to the Wii. Though I understood his fixation since he has been grounded since lat week. One of my many bargaining tools is the threatened loss and sale of that stupid contraption….although I use it for my Yoga.

After the Wii time he got a small snack before dinner. He ate and then proceeded to be a little pig. I try to give him credit, I mean he is five, a boy, and his father’s son. Cleanliness is not a priority and neither is tidiness. However, when I spent MANY grueling hours scrubing my floors on my hands and knees (yes…I did…the whole OCD thing right) the hairs on the back of my neck began to raise as I sat at the kitchen table and heard the small tinkling of crumbs to my recently prisitne conditioned floors.

I look over my shoulder as I see my boy walking away, making a trail of mess as he goes. I told him to be more careful with what he was doing since he was dropping crumbs and making a mess (miniscule in comparison to other messes…..like the Squids) and here is his LOVELY response.

Well just go get the vacuum then Mom and suck up all the crumbs. Jeez!

Gods and naturistic forces kept me from grabbing his neck like a wet rag needing a good wring. DH looked at me with wide eyes….and I snapped back at him that any time he felt like getting off his too good ass to help in the Maid department that I have so rightly assumed over the years, he was more than welcome to let me have a single day off. Mum was the word from him.

I will give Big G about another year before I force that vacuum upon him and we’ll see who was so smart, he will be so grateful to appreciate my cleaning and vacuuming skills then!

Parents Eat Free Night

Can you believe a night like that at a restaurant exists? I know I had not a CLUE that parents can eat free until DH made the lovely suggestion to go out to eat dinner last night.

WRONG!!! SO. EFFING. WRONG.

Thanks for playing babe, next time, listen to the wife when she says “Beware.”

Let me explain. You see the shiny white round ball at night? We call that the moon. Once a month, usually about the same damn time Flo drops by, the white ball of fury is FULL. Which means that my sweet little squidy gnomes, turn into fire breathing, grimoire casting, horn bearing DEMONS.

Now Seth-en-stein, not so much. The Little Bitty…..O.M.G!!

Seriously the girl is on a rampage. No stopping her. A drawer in my kitchen was open every other second. Garlic press here, spoon there, spatula yonder…….you name it, she pulled it out. EVERY. EFFING. FIVE. SECONDS. Seriously, I contemplated putting a collar around her and a stake in the floor where the rope only had about two feet of play so she couldn’t get into anything. Tupperware, stainless steel bowls clanging.

And then. When I thought her possession had passed and I did not have to contemplate my conversion to Catholicism to invest in a priest to perform an exorcism she did it. She pushed me.

Not physically, I mean she weighs a whopping 22 pounds sopping wet. She climbed up onto the dining table. Unloaded everything on it. Began to head for THE laptop, MY laptop, to hurl it like a discus in a track an field competition. So I told her NO one last time. And she screamed like bloody hell and I lost it. I walked away. I hid in a place where I could call her all the foul names I have called people that make sailors blush. And then I was fine. Until the hubs began debating the dinner debacle.

I hate dinner. Unless I have prepared a menu that week I hate trying to throw together dinner especially when I have been busy working all day. (Cleaning, blogging, gossiping with my mother…ya know…working!) No really, I have been fighting with a customer, I lost $2400 because he was scared of the FBI form….long story on that, and then the demon spawn of hell awoke from her monthly slumber. So we decided on a “kids eat free” deal! WOOT.

Not so much. Basically the dinner Gods said, “Hey Herrings, thanks for playing!”

So we venture to Coco’s, which by the way has some fantastic desserts. And the whole thing is a joke from the get go. The 20 something doesn’t know her asshole from a whole in the wall hostess puts us in a CORNER booth with twins. Um….yo…..where do we put not one, yes count them, TWO high chairs. Alrighty, a new adventure….BOOSTER SEATS!! Negative. Seth-en-stein was great, he was easy peasy pumpkin pie as Big G would say. Not the Little Bitty, oh no. Let’s throw our Crocs across the table, eat crayons, and then SCREAM bloody hell again like someone was yanking her nails from the nail beds with a pair of pliers.

DH patiently pulls her from her stance, takes her outside. I order for the kids seeing as she is probably hungry, hence the extra dose of demonic presence, and I wanted there food there first so they weren’t so cranky and then DH and I could order. They come back…..we go for round two. Negative. Even more ornery, tears, blood boiling screams, kicking. LOTS. OF. KICKING. He takes her back outside just as the food arrives. The boys eat. DH is waiting for me in the car….thinking I am gonna just bail. Um no, feed kids, then bail. He comes back, we try round three and she shows sign of interest in the tempting and toasty chicken nuggets only to begin her dive onto said table where we say EFF IT! DONE!!

As she blood boiling screams, I try to gather all the gear since traveling with a singleton and multiples is seriously a day trip safari the shit we pack. I fumble. He’s impatient, barking begins, and my growls come back. I wanted to tell the Mo Fo…um had you listened at home when I told you going out to dinner was NOT a wise plan, we wouldn’t be snapping at one another. So I take the boys to the car….yeah….car is not unlocked. So I stomp towards the front door and tell DH of his brilliant plan to send me to said car when I DON’T HAVE KEYS! I get the boys and the demon in the car….he pays…..the waiter trys to comp….not sure why. My kid is the asshole. Not like you had turrets for that moment and was freaking like she was. So we leave a hefty tip…..as a bribe that we promise never to return.

On the ride home….incessant screams, cries, no comfort in sight. Not even the blankie. I sit in total silence wanting to be a childish brat and rant this to DH:

“Nah Nah asshat! See I told you!! Not a good idea to go to dinner. Getting out of the house was not good. I told you she was a demon today, she is out of hand, you think I am menstrual….nice…nice excuse. See I WAS RIGHT!!!”

But I sat there. Completely, totally, utterly, emotionally toasted from keeping my cool, holding in my bittersweet victory. I got home…..and BALLED.

I was starving, since I didn’t get to order and not hungry all at the same time from all the chaos and BS of dealing with my baby girl who just needed to go to bed I guess. We tossed her in jammies and she drifted peacefully to sleep. The boys went to bed just as easily.

And then I made myself the best gall dang breakfast burrito!!

Eggs, sausage, hickory smoked maple bacon, fresh diced potatoes and FRESH, oh yes, FRESH homemade tortillas sprinkled with cheese. I ate till I felt like the fattest cat around. Like I was the most depressed woman crying into her Haagen Daas….in my case…..my papas y frijoles. Watched some bad TV and then went to bed before 11pm. And that my friends is how parents eat free on a Kids Eat free dinner night.

Just Another Day

Yesterday was like any other day. Hotter than ever living hell here in Arizona, kids screaming and babbling since finding their voices, barking orders about what they want for breakfast, me drinking my coffee, enjoying my zen moment with my milky dark friend.

 

Yesterday was like any other day. I fought to take a shower because the kids felt the need to scream and carry on that I was locking them outside of a door they did not need to be behind (because this is what happens when they get behind said door)

and they (the Squids) also decided that the recycling bin is a great box that carries cool sounding toys and they unloaded that along my kitchen floor.

Yesterday was like any other day. My delusional father psycho dialed me (definition: called more than once in a single day or within a few short hours with no reason other than his own) all day to which I ignored his calls as usual.

However, while yesterday was like any other adult day I did have breakfast and lunch made for me on behalf of DH (which I totally enjoyed!!), I got a box of chocolates, cupcakes from my sister (who doesn’t stinking love cupcakes??!!), a great E-card from a dear friend, and some cool balloons.

While I really wanted a damn parade and clowns (even though they are WAY creepy), getting older is not as fun as it used to be as a kid. But I really enjoyed taking a day all to myself to do what I wanted (for the most part) and spend time with the ones I love.

No expensive gifts, no party hats, no huge cakes, no strippers…damn….just a fantastic day to celebrate my age, since I really do like my age….so glad to not be in the “kid” category anymore. Plus one of the best and most heartwarming cards from my best friend who professed his love and wealth of love to me as he always does. And I got three smiling little faces who had no idea what the day was (with the exception of Big G) but were happy to share in the experience of losing their little minds slapping balloons and eating cupcakes.

Life is about the little things.

How did you or how will you celebrate your birthday this year!?

Honey Kix Giveaway

As I said before school is nearing…..did I mention school starts soon?! Man am I ready for school to start! I can tell you the one thing that really helps Big G is a good breakfast in the morning. A tasty breakfast that I know will fill him up and keep him satisfied until lunch is a great start to any day and helps the little guy focus and stay on task at school. Otherwise…the kid is all over the place mentally, I mean he already is as a kindergartener….but seriously….I need not torture his teachers more. Plus breakfast is the most important meal of the day and helps to regulate your daily and overall blood sugar and well being.

Well the folks over at My Blog Spark must know that we love food in this house, and breakfast is a biggie!

I am not a big cereal fan, I eat Honey Bunches of Oats and Cheerios….es todo (that’s all). But I have to say that Honey Kix is a new favorite! I love a sweet cereal without seeming like a kids cereal that has a TON of sugar and I feel all amped. I mean the last thing we need in this house….is sugar! So a bowl of Honey Kix, a banana or an apple and milk….
Good. To. Go.
Everyone is fed and the day is off to a great start.


So a lucky reader gets to enjoy a box of Honey Kix, just in time for school mornings!!

Breakfast can be a hassle, so take the hassle out of the morning with cereal and a cereal kids, and adults alike will enjoy. Not to mention all the cool stuff that comes with the Honey Kix, courtesy again of the folks @ My Blog Spark and General Mills.

Here are the winning items of this giveaway, and my Big G….LOVES IT!!

  • Free Box of Honey Kix
  • Honey Kix breakfast bowl
  • Travel bowl with freezer safe insulated bottom, 2 pieces (breakfast on the go!)
  • Honey Kix storage container, so your breakfast is stashed in a fashionable tupperware container (and not the gawdy box!)
  • Honey Pot (DH was loving this! We looked everywhere to find one…low and behold…one comes in the mail….prayers answered about honey problem)
So seriously who wouldn’t want to enter this totally cool giveaway! I mean I was absolutely stoked when these items arrived…..I ran over and got the box of cereal to munch on while blogging…..I know shame on me.

Here are the deets:

  • Leave me a comment and tell me how much of a PAIN breakfast (or sometimes a lack thereof) and mornings are before school and your email address for the winnings.
Additional entries:
  • Follow this blog (or tell me you do)
  • Technorati fave me (or tell me you have)
  • Stumble my blog (or tell me you have)
  • Follow me on Twitter (or tell me you do)
  • Tweet this giveaway
  • Fan the Fish on Facebook!
  • Blog about this giveaway, come and tell me you did
Good luck!
CONTEST ENDS AUGUST 5TH 2009 @ 10AM ARIZONA TIME

Pardon My Spam

Alright, so I wanted to get this out of the way while I had the time and gumption….I will have these posts up and out of the way so then I can focus on my fantastic content! I agreed to do some great giveaways and I have been busy with the kids, enjoying my own personal time blog hopping and emailing friends that I have neglected these PR folks. Not like it truly matters….I mean I know I am a guppy in the ocean, but I am loyal. So bear with the spam posts as I need to get them handled and DONE!

But hey…you may enjoy them too!

The Dirty Truth

I was so inspired today by my friend Mel and her post. Her words hit home with me and I found the irony in the everyday application, the simple truth.

We as parents go on and on and on about how we want out children to tell us the truth. We scold with no mercy at a fibbing child “Tell me the truth…DON’T LIE TO ME” when we have clearly caught them in a devious act and then they deny their blatant actions. As a parent teaching our children the honor, integrity, and moral fiber of being a truthful individual is a worthy trait, and with time the truth can be told without hurt or pain, as a constructive tool.

But we teach these morals, these sound ethics as a high functioning human being and we ourselves cannot bear to share, tell, or speak the truth. We tell white lies, half truths, bold faced lies, half arsed lies, we omit pertinent information, I mean there is a whole web page that lists every type of lie possible! So why do we as parents instill such noble qualities only to fail ourselves? To fail our children by telling lies, by failing to share the truth, by lying to ourselves?

I for one am a HUGE advocate for the truth. Clearly displayed by my incident with my in laws in the last month. But I am not remorseful, maybe for my presentation…..but not for my honesty. Not for my feelings. NOT for the truth. I hate lying to my kids about even the simplest myths such as Santa, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, because I know that in time the truth will be revealed. I question the reason for these mythical beings, what is the purpose? Big G so badly wants to be a super hero, I had to burst his bubble and explain they don’t exist. A man in a blue suit with a cape….Mr. Perfect, does not exist. DH was borderline furious with me, but I felt necessary because I did not want my son to be deluded to thinking perfection is attainable, that perfection exists, that someone walks this Earth that can do no wrong. Again, some may disagree, but if NO ONE told Big G that super heroes don’t exist….how long would he believe in such people left only for the writing in a comic book, a fantasy.

Again I question why parents hide the truth? Why they lie? I have spoken to Big G about the financial situation with DH and I. *GASP!! I know right. Well children do need to be aware that money is an object and money is required for somethings and at times not enough money is made or readily available for luxuries. I have spoken to Big G about other issues that parents may feel is breaching a line. Which I feel that line is not breached. I think we have been conditioned by many generations of family secrets, lies, and half truths or cover-ups that we learn the same behavior. We learn the fine art of not telling the whole story or claiming that the information is not suitable for children.

Well, I think this is hogwash. I wish I had been told as a child that my dad drank and was an alcoholic rather than “Daddy had a bad day” as he is puking full ball into a toilet. I wish I was told the truth of my mothers actions at a point in my life so that I did not grow up with such an enormous amount of resentment towards her, I wish my in-laws would not cover up a very tragic incident with my husband’s niece that makes me feel uncomfortable around her and not want me children around her for their safety.

I sit down with Big G and with the twins (who look at me like I am nuts, but one day they will get it, so might as well start now) and tell them what they need to know about this family. About where their parents came from, about the adversity we face, the troubles that lie ahead, that if you lie you will only create bigger problems and what is a mole hill of an issue will soon spiral into a mountain that cannot be covered up or cleaned up.

Yes, the truth hurts. But the lies to cover up the dirty truth are even more harsh. People are led to believe in a falsehood, in something that does not exist, that will not exist, and the pain in the let down and the revelation of the truth that was disguised by ugly lies is even more painful. I would hate to be lied to for years, months, even moments, about something when although the truth is painful, the truth be known. I would rather have someone tell me that I AM (well rather was) the fat chick! That my pregnancy and eating while breastfeeding led me to balloon up to the porker I was, and now after conditioning and exercising I am feeling more comfortable in my skin. Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but I was more hurt by the ones I loved that they did not tell me how bad I was.

I just do not understand why the truth is such a difficult topic, why the truth is so hard to be spoken and shared. Why as parents we beat the nobility of truth into our children, but we fail to be completely truthful with our children.

Blase Blah Blah Blase

Yeah can you so tell I am feeling a funk again. Must be because I have a million things going on at once and I am so behind on my ‘To Do’ List. Seriously, I even have an ELECTRONIC to do list on my sidebar here on Vista……..you see.I have some checked off but not all, some personal some blog, some I do not even have listed. Plus some days of my life really are not blog worthy and I refuse to bore anyone with how mundane and snooze filled my life can be. Granted, twins keep you on your toes, but who wants to hear about Big G and the twins sword fighting, all day, with spatulas. Funny stuff, but not always blog worthy. And I refuse to stoop to the blog or V-Log level of “Lets talk about MJ” or “Lets talk about Jon and Kate’s divorce” or “How we are going on strike for a month from PR.”
Seriously?!

I have no one to answer to but myself. If my fabulous bloggy friends would like me to answer to you….TOO BAD! You know it, heck I have no expectations about your life and what goes on, that is your business and if you want to share GREAT, if not GREAT TOO!

Anyway back to my million things, the one of my million things that I did not share in all my blase blah blah crap is that I graduated college this year. Yeah, I did the “I’m going to grow up first and not blow shit tons of money on college and not finish in my 20’s. I am going to grow up and work and then blow shit tons of money on college and finish….before I’m 40!” I am on that plan…still on that plan. Have to take my LSAT’s build a portfolio, yeah lots to do if you want to argue for a living. So I finished college and tomorrow is my big day!

I am participating in the commencement ceremonies at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale where I will be walking with like 1000 other people! Cool huh?! Yeah I am stoked, but been so busy to get really stoked about it….which sucks! I mean I should be like every other college grad out getting hammered………….and passing out puking. ICK, gosh I used to be that stupid, now I am a lame old fart who has a few and just passes out before 10pm. WOOT, I am such the life of the party! WOO WOO! No really, so I am excited and wanted to share with you all in case you care, or are super curious, or want to poke fun at me, because I have a fear I will trip and fall flat on my fat face tomorrow! So here is the linky for the commencements, the ceremony begins at 10:30am Arizona (Pacific Daylight Time) time. So please feel free to watch the ceremony, cheer me on through your virtual portal and laugh with me when I fall on my face, and then leave me a comment hoping I am okay!

Chicks for Free

A quoted lyric from that great song in the 80s, you know the one right?? The Dire Straits, featuring Sting? Yea, love that song, especially the Money for Nothing part. This song was stuck in my head today as I had dealings with people that think that this is their world and the rest of us just inhabit their miserable little worlds.

So I have this swamp cooler you see. The appliance is completely USELESS in Arizona from the months of May to say October. Why you ask? Well those months usually resonate at least 90 to 100 degree weather, not conducive for a machine that requires COOL water to make your home COOL. Anyway, we had the hunk of shit removed from our roof last year along with our 30 year old ORIGINAL air conditioning unit that cost us a pretty penny with $400 a month summer electric bills. Yeah, that is no joke.

Anyway, DH gets this great idea that the swamp cooler is worth something. (*Waves hand wildly…TO FRIGGING WHO??!!!! Who the hell wants this hunk of junk??!!) So I of course have to agree that this useless piece will be worth something. A year had almost past and that thing has sat on the side of my house, collecting dust, bugs, leaves, and space that would be better occupied by nothing so you can see my beautiful Cape Cod style siding. I finally get the gumption to clean out the SHIT that inhabits my house. I mean LOADS!!

We have that stupid swamp cooler, a 27″ TV that is brand new, but we have no where to put it, GOBS and GOBS of baby clothes that I am selling for like $1.00 a piece, not to mention any other miscellaneous stuff we have collected over the years that so badly needs a home…but NOT IN MY GARAGE!!

Gosh, off subject again with all the shtuff. I decide to list this shtuff on Craigslist.

WHAT. A. JOKE!

I mean every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sally wants something for free. I mean really? I am not asking a fortune, I am asking for you to pay a small fee to take it off my hands. All of the stuff works, and is in really good or decent (swamp cooler) condition. But everything works and could be useful to someone else, as I have no more use for the shtuff. I mean I would just sell all the junk at a garage sale anyway, so why not sell stuff bit by bit since the weather outside is hotter than an elephant’s ass. Shop online, call, pick up. No browsing in the heat, driving around, just bam bam bam!

But really everyone wants something for free. These people on Craigslist, DH’s boss who so willingly gives up DH’s Saturdays for conference calls that can be done during the week…oh wait that’s right…he (the boss) went to Lego Land during the week, so business will have to be put off for the weekend. Oops!? Did I say that out loud. I had realtors barking at me on the phone today while I was DRIVING, ordering me around like I worked for them. I let that little wet behind the ears, green pea punk hear a piece from me, call me making demands. HUFF!

Has our society been reduced to a “gimmee” attitude, where we expect the world for nothing? I mean I was taught hard work, work hard for everything you have, struggle, a little elbow grease, some brow beatings, sweat, blood, tears…..where in all my gruff and sacrifice does it say that I get a free ride? I didn’t get my chicks for free? I didn’t my money for nothing. So why does everyone else think that they get their money for nothing and their chicks for free?