Author: Karie Herring

Karie Herring rambles of a former life in Phoenix, AZ while raising a teen and tween twins in their new home in Orlando, FL. She has been featured in AOL Money & Finance, Betty Confidential and Career School Now. She's a full-time technical writer, functional fitness athlete, overachieving wife and mom. She loves talking about maneuvering motherhood, womanhood, and her passion for essential oils and natural living.
Posted on

Giveaways GALORE

So many giveaways on the blogosphere that I wanted to take a moment this Saturday to promote them. Not only are they fabulous, but some are just splendid for the kiddies too!Imagine all of your favorite girlie items in one giveaway!?

You can’t?!!!!!

Well go check out Fantabulously Frugal with a giveaway of some great Etsy products, some Marc Jacobs, some Smashbox Lip gloss, all things trendy, and what every woman would want in her handbag! Check out the giveaway, ends soon!

Now want something for your little princess? How about some super safe, super sweet girlie nail polish for your little darling?

My dear friend and sister at The Greer Five is having a Piggy Paint giveaway! So be sure to go check her out. Not to mention she is giving away a gift certificate to ECOStore USA, some great books for you and the kids, she has got it all!! Be sure to check her out, her giveaways end soon too!

Posted on

Mini Me’s

When Big G was born I was so joyful that I had a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby boy. I love Big G like no words can explain. But in all honesty, my vanity started to get the best of me when all I heard was “Oh my gosh!! He looks IDENTICAL to his father.”

And so I thought I was doomed to have all of my children look exactly like their father.

I know, I am pretty vain. But seriously, when someone tells you how your children look like you, their mother, the comment just hits you and is heart warming. Especially because we are the ones who endured TEN, yes 10, MONTHS of agony, bliss, exhaustion, constipation, sleeplessness, irritability, bloating, weight gain, excitement, love, affection, bitching, moaning and the sheer fact we were uncomfortable right before we delivered our precious little person.

You can imagine how ELATED I was when the twins were born. I immediately bust out the baby pictures and did my “Nah nah, eat shit” dance to show how the twins look just like me! I know…..I am a terrible sport. But seriously….for FIVE years, all I heard is how people couldn’t believe Big G was mine because he looks JUST LIKE HIS DAD. FIVE YEARS!!
The only thing that stands out on Big G that he gets from me are the radiant color of his eyes (we have piercing blue eyes) and this really cool birth mark, oh and we can argue till the cows come home…both of us….with each other….and other people if they let us. Big G and I are born to argue! LOL

So here are some fantastic 70s sporting photos of me…..and my comparable Mini-Me.

Mini Me (Pickles Magoo)

Me (circa 1978, 1979 ish)

Me (circa 1979 ish)

Mini Me (Little Bitty)

Me (circa 1979 ish, I was about their age in this picture)

I am just so glad that my genetics finally came through on the looks of our kids. Do not get me wrong…..DH is one sexy beast, but if our daughter looked like him……she might as well pack everything in now and go butch, or lipstick for that matter. I’d love her just the same…..seriously….she is very pretty and totally cute.

I am most thankful that I was able to go 36 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours and 53 minutes before delivering Pickles Magoo and 54 minutes before delivering Little Bitty.
Both were PLENTY healthy and good sized twins, so I know my baking abilities are more than plentiful that is for sure!
As an added bonus they got my striking good looks, goofy loving nature, and they are the best of DH and I all the way around with smarts, love, good nature, bad tempers, and sensitivity.
I am so blessed with my three gnomes!

Posted on

The Good, The Bad, and the Unclear?!

Moms, grandmoms, Great-grandmoms, just about any mom you can think of asks this question when they see a young child and or baby:Is he/she good?

I mean seriously? What kind of question is that?
When anyone asks me that I truly think about messing with them a little and telling them how awful my child is because he has a small (I mean child size)penis aiming into a LARGE porcelain bowl and he can never hit it….always the outer edges making cleaning a real bitch….how my youngest boy Pickles Magoo is the biggest whiner and Mama’s boy ever….and Little Bitty…..yeah, she is no princess….she is the second biggest whiner in the house and to top things off she beats up her twin….I mean who does that to their twin?

But all of that does not make my children good or bad. My kids are awesome. Do they have moments of bad behavior? Sure. Moments where they forget to use manners, hit, or worse…..forget to brush their teeth. (LOL)

Kids and people are never bad. Bad is a terrible word, the use gives a connotation and an association that suggests that this is a quality or trait of an individual. That by telling your child when they have done something wrong “bad boy” or “bad girl” they lose self-esteem and or self worth. They then feel that they are less because of their actions and choice resulting in actions and consequences.
(I hope I didn’t lose you)

For example, Big G had a problem with hitting when he was a toddler in daycare. I attributed this to the fact he was the largest, the largest eater, and he learned this from other children. I learned to tell him, “No, we do not hit. Hitting is bad” as the proper way to tell my child what he had done wrong at a young age. If I told him “NO! Bad boy” he probably would have been lost as to what the hell I was talking about. Here is the thing, if you are questioning whether or not your child understands…..DO NOT underestimate them. Seriously, for little people they are super smart and they can comprehend a lot more than what we give credit.

No one, in my opinion, is bad. I think even the killers and criminals of the world are not bad people, they have just made bad decisions and they behave badly because no one showed them otherwise or they were not given the right environment or love needed. But I believe they are inherently good people. Maybe because I carry a Rogerian theory of people, but I think that we learn how to behave properly or in a way that is acceptable, ethical, and at best morally sound.

Maybe my years of therapy and self help books (thank you Melody Beattie) have helped me to become a better person and a better mother in the way I discipline and teach my children. Some people are truly unclear on the thought that actions do not make a person, they do not define the very essence of their being, so by telling them they are bad or good because of the good and or bad things they have done sends mixed signals. When I discipline Big G I am always sure to tell him these sentences and they seem to be a HUGE difference in his demeanor:

“Big G, what you did is unacceptable. We do not (*insert bad action) hit our little brother. If you are mad or you want to hit something, go get the stuffed Spongebob and wail on him. Now I need you to take a time out. I love you very much, you are a very good boy, but hitting our little brother is bad, you hurt him.”

And with that, he is upset because I made him take a time out and he understands WHY he is taking a time out and why I am mad. I am mad because he hit his sibling and he knows that I love him, that he is still a good boy, and that we take out our anger on things like a punching bag like Spongebob because that always makes us feel better when we need a release of bad energy.

Some may not agree, which is Okay by me, I am not looking for approval. I just know that no matter what, my kids are GOOD kids ALL the time, not just because they picked up their rooms or helped me set the table for dinner. I tell them all the time what great kids they are for no reason and in return I have happy kids who learn actual right from wrong and good from bad.

Posted on

Bound to Please, Book Review

Books I think are the most wonderful creation to man kind. Books and stories to me are like a mini fantasy and or they tell a spectacular story of rich history. I love books because I choose the face of the characters, not some Hollywood director that will gross the crap out of me on admission for two hours plus popcorn. I get to choose what the scenery and backdrop would look like including the weather. I get to choose based on my knowledge and imagination.I recently received a book from Hatchette Book Group and the book is a romance novel. Now last contemporary romance type drama book I read was a Candance Bushnell book…..Four Blondes and before that…..I can not recall because of school.For the last three years, eight months, and some odd days I have been a text book addict in need of some rehab. Hatchette Book Group was my detox!! I love them for sending me this book because the romance novel I chose to read was just awesome.

Most romance novels have that stigma. You know…the one where Fabio graces the cover and just wreaks of soft porn gone bad. I mean worse than daytime soap opera love scenes with the bad 80’s music and the diffused lighting…..you know what I mean?

This romance novel had me from the get-go! I honestly, could NOT put the book down. I mean I had put the book down only because of the hubs and the Gnomes, but I seriously did not want to put it down. I was hooked! The book is truly HOT!! Lilli Feisty does a SUPERB job of finding that adjective to burn into your soul the meaning and feelings behind the scene in the chapters. She reaches into your inner being, the place every woman has been, but the thought and idea is taboo.

I have to say that Bound to Please was a real pleasure for me to read.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

Ruby Scott is a beautiful, quiet event planner who leads an oh-so-respectable life. Yet the things that go on in her secret fantasies are anything but. She has every intention of keeping her hidden desires under wraps-until she meets a gorgeous, hard-muscled man ten years her junior. Mark St. Crow is a gifted, up-and-coming musician who collects erotic art and loves to “play” women as much as his piano. After one night of uninhibited passion, Ruby realizes there’s no turning back. But as she surrenders to her deepest needs and lets Mark control every forbidden thrill, her passion for him builds. Can the wild, intoxicating nights they share lead to a love that will last forever?

Erotic, hot, sexy, devious, bold, flirtatious, steamy and fun.
I would say definitely a favorite romance novel for my night stand.
Seriously this book is not and I mean NOT your typical romance novel, but a whole lot of fun to read and makes you want more once you are done.

 *Five Fish always blog ethically and with transparency.

Posted on

Wrong Tube of Toothpaste

Oh this is going to be such a long summer. I so desperately need to get my Big G involved in something. Crafts, arts, exercising, something other than his Wii, the daily dip in the pool, and his short stint of cartoons for the day.
This morning while we were all rushing around trying to get ready to take my car into the dealership for some much needed warranty work I hurried Big G into getting ready as well. The boy is a well known putz. He can putz like no other if the whip is not cracked.

Being that I am whip cracking, ball busting Mom extraordinaire, I told him he had to put his shoes on and brush his teeth.

He was taking exceptionally longer than normal to brush the few teeth he has not lost yet and that have not yet come in.

I run into the bathroom to ask what was taking so long!

To find this:

Now I can see how this looks like your standard tube of toothpaste. But upon further investigation…..I found that the tube was really:

Now to my complete HORROR and shock I asked if he had swallowed any to which he said no. Luckily I caught him in time. I then washed his mouth out as fast and as much as I could. Made him spit out as much nothing as he could and then made him brush his teeth with the correct tube. The actual toothpaste.

Later I pondered what made him think that was toothpaste. I know the only way he could have thought it was toothpaste is because of the tube itself. But the hydrocortisone was actually with the Neosporin and all the other medicinal items. Which told me he had to really really look and climb to reach this, when the toothpaste rests right there on the sink. Big G also told us he happened to brush his teeth with this yesterday!! YIKES. We are so lucky he didn’t become deathly ill from brushing his teeth with the cortisone cream. We are also just as lucky he didn’t reach for the tube of hemmoroid cream!! DOUBLE YIKES!!
Posted on

Love ya!!

I just love me some bloggy awards. They are just the coolest because you have bloggy girlfriends who think you are just awesome for being and think highly enough of you to share the honor. My dear bloggy friend Valerie who is the epitome of light bestowed this wonderful award upon me and now, I have the honorable duty of bestowing the award to others.

This award is bestowed on to blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

So I have a hard time limiting who I must deliver said blog award to……please do not take offense as I love all the blogs I subscribe, read, follow, and believe me….I read…..takes me forever…..but I read!!! Here are my eight that I think could use and have deserved the honor of this lovely award!!
  1. Linda @ My Trendy Tykes (she is just too cute)
  2. Jen Majors @ The Avon Lady: Avon Calling (she is hilarious!)
  3. April @ Cats, Dogs, Turtles, Frogs (shes just as crazy and fun as the rest of us with all her animals….plus she is a dirty job lady too!!)
  4. Veronica Lee @ Of Mice and raMen (she is just one of a kind!! Love her)
  5. Jen @ Keep It Classy Jen (she is too sweet and I have known her for awhile from the Closet! No…not that Closet!!)
  6. Modern Mom @ Life in the Suburbs (she is just too fun and a truly genuine woman)
  7. Alisha @ Confessions of a Moody Mommy (love all of her honesty…I swear she could be my twin on some days!!)
  8. Brittany @ The Greer 5 (because without my sister I would have never found all of these wonderful blog friends!!)
Posted on

Dirty Jobs

Mom’s always have the luxury of the dirty jobs in the house. Not sure why….but we do.

Mine include picking up the land mines my bulldog has strategically placed in the backyard when attempting to play with the kids (poo on foot..YUM), laundry….definitely a dirty job, taking the trash to the curb (DH attempts to on most weeks but forgets), of course changing dirty diapers.

But one job appears to be the taboo in some households…..but not mine.

The other night while giving the Squids their nightly bath, DH was so kind to draw the bath for the little gnomes and proceed to wash them while I did dishes. (Another dirty job)
I walked in just when Pickles Magoo was set to be dried off and readied for jammies (another dirty job…..here is why) when I noticed he had what appeared to be a bit of a rash.
Not your typical splotchy rash, but one that was a solid red…..and in the worst spot.
Right on his “junk” as referred to by Big G and DH.
Yes, the poor boy had a solid red looking rash right on his baby testicles. Upon further investigation I found that he was probably just a tad chapped from his diaper and that the rash would clear once we dried him off and put in a fresh diaper.

So I went about drying him off and lubing him up (what we refer to as putting on lotion) when DH looked over at me and this conversation took place:

DH: You gonna do anything for his rash?
Me: No should be fine, it’s already subsiding.
DH: Well you are already lubing him up…..why don’t you get his junk, just rub it all over and that should help.
Me: (As if I didn’t already know that…..I am a mom!! DUH!! Look that I give him)
Me: *Continued moment of silence
DH: What?
Me: I just realized that I have lubed up every male’s testicles in this house……

It’s a dirty job…..but someone has gotta do it!!

Posted on

The Way to a Mother’s Heart

In my meme yesterday, one of the eight things I had done was cried. Now the crying was definitely tears of joy, but tears nonetheless. I am a feeler, I am one of those people who will cry at movies, weddings, graduations, I am a feeler, I feel everything. Now my son, Big G, must know this because he can put me to tears in an instant.

In October of 2007 when we had taken a trip for a wedding I was getting dressed and when DH was helping me zip up my dress the first thing Big G told me was:

“Mama, you look like a PRINCESS!”

Cue tears.

Well the boy had another moment like that on Sunday evening when he was with DH. DH was helping him to take a shower and get cleaned up before bed. As he was drying him off the conversation turned to being a baby. They discussed everyone that is and was a baby. My mother, my grandparents, DH, the Squids, me, and finally Big G. Big G mentioned how he was 14 years old before I gave birth to him……remnants of a memory of a past life maybe? Interesting.

But the boy felt compelled to tell me something and this is how the conversation went:

Big G: Mom I have to tell you something.
Me: Okay buddy.
Big G: No Mom, look at me….look into my eyes.
Me: (holding my composure) Okay buddy, you have my attention.

Big G: I want to thank you Mom.
Me: Thank me for what baby?
Big G: For birth
Me: what? ( I look inquisitively over at DH who is laughing uncontrollably)
Me: Ok, babe do you need a shovel for whatever this boy is trying to say to me.

DH: No, no, he’s just so cute.
Me: Okay buddy what are you trying to say.
Big G: Dad, whats the word I am looking for……
DH: Birth buddy.

Big G: Right, Mom……thank you for giving birth to me.

And that is the way to a mother’s heart each and every time when my boy says something so innocent and beautiful just like that I melt and cry like a big baby!!

Posted on

My Quotable Sunday Savior

Be sure to go See Toni @ A Daily Dose of Toni for more great Quotable Sunday Quotes.
This quote has saved me in every way possible…..including my sanity…..from the mouth of the wise Benjamin Franklin who said:

“Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.”

Life is about perception. Every person’s perception is different from another. The same can be said about reality. So as to say that perception is reality, my perception is not the same as your perception which means that my reality is different from your reality.

Which in reality, what I am trying to say, is embrace all that is different. No one way is right, no one way is wrong, just what works, and what does not and even then what works for you may not work for me. Anger over differences means that you lack control…you lack control over oneself and others. In reality, NO ONE is in control of anything EXCEPT themselves. Accept it, let it go, move on. Maybe even grieve a little.

Posted on

Anatomy 101 for Little Boys

Thursday night was definitely entertaining.
The whole day was entertaining to say the least.

I had lunch, well frozen yogurt, with my dear gal pal who I have not seen in ages. Last time she and I gossiped over food about men, their penis’, and sex she recently had a biopsy done on her breast. Needless to say she is free of her sickness so that made for some happy news. We gabbed about her latest conquests, her financial woes, and then we got to the kids.

Her Spud is all grown up. Sad that I knew when her daughter was a tween and a pain in the ass and now she is a teen and still a pain in the ass but we love her just the same.

So my pal and I are gabbing all sorts. Have to say quite entertaining, made for a great afternoon.

Come home, normal stuff as usual.

My O.G. BFF Brittany, a.k.a my sister, drops in to pick up her spawn and we gab. She is always good for some gossip. She catches me up on all the “behind the scenes” of the blogosphere (*Yawn) and of course some juicy bits about this bar fly who is stalker-esque to an acquaintance of ours….again interesting conversations.

The day and night rolls on. Sister heads home, we have dinner, time for baths. I finally get around to throwing Big G in the shower. He is really good about handling himself in the shower.

He is a boy though so he putzes to no end. I mean I can hear super hero sound effects until he runs out of hot water. So I mosey on in the bathroom and help him wash his hair, I lather up his wash cloth and tell him to get totally clean. If DH and I are not in there….he “says” he got clean. Yeah, which means we made a soapy mess and none touched his body.

I hand him his wash cloth and tell him to wash these parts in this order….leaving his derriere for last. He complies. Fantastic. But then the boy thinks thrusting his hips at me is funny trying to flick soap onto me while I observe outside the shower curtain…….yeah….not so much. I tell him he needs to get washed up. Here is what the boy tells me:

Big G: Momma I really need to get in this junk right? (Pointing and scrubbing his crack and his crotch)
Me: *holding my breath. Try. To. Contain. Uncontrollable. Laughter.
Me: Yup buddy, get clean.
Big G: Yup I gotta really clean all this junk.

Thank you DH for teaching our boy that his penis and rear end is his junk because I found the comment so utterly amusing. But the fun doesn’t stop there!

I help the boy wash all the soap off and help him out of the shower. He is a bit of a spaz. Last time he didn’t have help he has a bruise the size of Delaware on one ass cheek. Yeah, it hurt.

I am drying his hair off and his arms when he stops and this conversation takes place:

Big G: Momma I need to tell you something, stop drying me.
Me: Okay buddy what is it?
Big G: Mom what are these things?
Me: Buddy they are buttons on my shirt. (assuming that is what he is asking since he is staring at the girls)
Big G: No mom, these….what are these? (As he begins to pull down my shirt)
Me: Buddy, what are you doing?
Big G: Mom I am asking you a questions! (very demanding) What are these?
Me: Bud, those are moms boobies….
Big G: No Momma, whats on your boobies?
Me: (assuming he is talking about how my skin was splotchy fron the heat and cold water of the shower) Buddy its just my skin discolored.
Big G: (he’s getting annoyed now, I can tell in his voice) *pulling my shirt a but again NO Mom, what are those, the things ON your boobies. The things that the babies suck on?
Me: (TRY. TO. KEEP. IT. TOGETHER!) Buddy, those are called nipples. You have some too…see? (as I pinch him)
Big G: So Mom, are those like bottles for the babies? They can drink milk from?
Me: (KEEP. IT. TOGETHER. I am flushed at this point) Yes buddy, the babies used to drink milk from them and now they drink from a bottle.

The End.

No more questions, he was totally satisfied once he asked that.
Never a dull moment and we are only one week into the summer…….this is going to be a LOOONNNGGGG summer.