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Free Kids App Kids Academy Learning

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Educational Apps from Kids Academy
Available on iTunes & Google Play Free for a limited time!

Our kids have always enjoyed the Kids Academy apps. I am happy to bring you all information on the new updates and hopefully introduce you to the company. It is never too early to start learning and Kids Academy has made it easy AND fun with these apps!

kids academy dogPreschool & Kindergarten Baby Books, Songs, and Early Reading Toddler Games

Great graphics and super cute characters! We have had this app a while, now they added Cinderella (which is my personal favorite from when i was a child) and Red Riding Hood which is another great classic!

Download this game for FREE on iTunes

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If your toddler loves to sing and play this is the app for you. Awesome sing along karaoke style singing for the kids. Great graphics and story telling. Some all time favorites for books and early reading to keep kids engaged for hours. Spoken word and words within the app on the books for kids to read along as well. Easy directions and guidance to maximize engagement for parents and kids.

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123 Tracing Numbers: Montessori Math Game for Kids

My youngster is picking up his numbers by playing this app and he has just turned 3! This is really an awesome app! Highly recommended! Never hurts to get a head start in math!

Download this game for FREE on iTunes

Free for a limited time! Normally $3.99!

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Great app to help toddlers and early kindergarten learners grasp tracing and writing. Lots of fun and positive reinforcement to keep going and keep trying until they successfully trace the numbers. Parents section helps parents control options for kids with music, sound and expand with more play time in the app.

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numnber3ABC Preschool Games for Kids

Awesome Learning Tool!! My little boy is in pre-k and he loves this app! It has always been difficult to get him engaged in learning, even when it comes to getting to play on the tablet. He is learning how to trace letters and numbers and having fun! A+

Download this game for FREE on Google Play

Free for a limited time! Normally $2.99

fun learning google play

The games are bright, interactive and fun. Basic without causing kids to lose interest and not too difficult they want to give up. Plenty of games, music, and learning for hours. Tracing, math and grammar is sure to keep your child busy as they pop in and out of all the different activities.

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About Kids Academy

Kids Academy develops mobile apps for preschool education. Covering all major platforms their apps are designed to help kids of 5 and under to master all of the preschool educational skills from letters to numbers and vocabulary. Having passed the ten million installs mark, Kids Academy continues to deliver quality apps for iOS, Android and Amazon devices.

This post was created in partnership with Mom Buzz Media. The reviews above are my own opinions and are not influenced in any way.

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first bites

Food is such an integral part of our lives. As a conversation piece, comfort and of course sustenance. For new moms, feeding your infant and or toddler can be worrisome, frustrating and concerning. Am I giving them enough options? Am I feeding them the right foods? Should I feed them these foods? When I had my twins I threw the traditional thoughts out the window and gave them everything. Brussels Sprouts were my favorite when they were teething, as were apples, bell peppers, the whole gamut of different fruits and vegetables. From the time they could sit up unassisted and gnaw on foods, I experimented on them. With G-man I was more concerned on being the perfect mom, giving him the “right” foods and never rocking the boat. I wish I had this book with my oldest, First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers, so I had some sort of compass and guide to tackle simple struggles like picky eating.

Picky Eaters

I’ve been interviewing experts about dealing with picky eaters for years and there are times when all that I have learned goes out the window! Do your best and when all else fails, take a deep breath and let it go. Don’t get up and make something different, let your child take ownership and decide not to eat, they won’t starve to death if they skip dinner one night. Allow them to have some of the control, it will empower them believe it or not they will (almost always) come around.

first bitesTry to:

  • Lead by example—parents have to be willing to eat and try things too
  • Offer a combination of foods your child likes along with things that may be a bit outside their comfort zone
  • Have a discussion about where food comes from
  • Get to the farmers’ marker or plant a garden
  • Make mealtime fun—eat, talk, share
  • Prepare meals together

Try not to:

  • Freak out!
  • Get noticeably frustrated
  • Fight over meals
  • Use dessert or other food as a reward
  • Insist that your child eat everything on their plate

(Photo and excerpt from FIRST BITES: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers with the permission of Perigee/Penguin. Copyright Dana Angelo White, MS, RD, ATC, 2015.)

Today I do one of the “try not to” with my kids, but they are now 7,7 and 12 so having them finish their plate usually consists of did you at least eat all of your vegetables on your plate? When I was growing up I was limited on my exposure to foods, fruits and vegetables. I wasn’t even aware of farmers markets, local farmer co-ops, or the like. At the young age of 17 I was exposed to artichokes and capers. I never looked back. My children were a fraction of my age when they were exposed and that is one of their all time favorite requests, including asparagus, roasted Brussels Sprouts, stuffed bell peppers, bok choy, spinach, mushrooms, onions and kale.

What I found with my oldest is just as Dana suggests, have your kids take ownership. I let my kids rummage through the fridge when they were toddling and we discussed the different fruits and vegetables and I let them try. I also tried. I stock my fridge to this day with an assortment of foods. Such an empowering feeling to have your children try and share and tell others about the foods they like.

Seth defined that moment and humbled me as a parent when at his Boy Scout den meeting he explained the various foods on his plate as part of a nutrition project. Mind you, my little gem is barely six at the time and he explained grilled chicken or salmon as his protein, quinoa or brown rice as his grain, broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, asparagus and green beans (because he clarified those are his favorite) as his veggie, strawberries as his fruit and Gouda was his choice of cheese (dairy) but he also likes almond milk. His dessert, of course, was my gluten free, dairy free, caramel apple cake. Of course, a meal would be incomplete without dessert!

When his den leader and The Chad shared this with me I felt so proud. I felt like we crested a hump. A pressure was relieved regarding the work I put into my kids to ensure they are eating the right foods and are educated about proper nutrition.

However I know I am truly blessed because my children do not lack a food allergy. Many children these days have or develop food allergies which can make meals tricky and tough to navigate, First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers helps provide helpful tips and insightful information on how to ensure we as parents are maximizing our children’s diets. The book release and copy could not have come at a better time as a friend from church was experiencing her own frustrations and concerns as a new mom. Her post on Facebook immediately prompted me to provide her with my copy of the book, to give her the tools I wish I had when I was a new mom, the tools I just figured out with having twins. If you are facing some of these struggles: food allergies, picky eaters, maximizing a vegetarian/vegan diet, or food transitions First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers should be in your arsenal of tools in the kitchen and your home. First Bites was released on February 3rd and is available nationwide and on Amazon, get your copy today and take the frustration out of navigating meals and foods for your child with amazing meal options and friendly recipes sure to transform even the pickiest of eaters.

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The Power of Prayer

1 chronicles 16:11, Prayer on TheFiveFish.com

Have you ever considered the statement, “You are in my thoughts and prayers.” I have found that this is such a statement of (in)consideration, truly a good majority of people say this as a form of pleasantry and never with intention. I am not quite sure why this irks me, but when people say “you are in my thoughts and prayers” I want to reply, “Am I really or are you just saying that because it sounds heartfelt and reassuring?” What people may not realize is the power of a prayer. To be a pray-er you have a conviction that you believe what you are saying, that there is power on a very human and supernatural level that God and the cosmos will hear your pleas, cries, and requests.

I never understood prayer. Being boldly honest, I was that smug, ass of a human to say, “I’ll pray for you” of which I thought quietly to myself how horrible their situation is and wish it better. I never clasped my hands, closed my eyes and opened my heart to the possibility that God may hear my plea. Albeit I was selfish, only praying for myself when the moment seemed dire or I had tremendous fear: a long road trip, a flight, or any other personal want.

I never understood how to pray. One might think, well you bow your head, close your eyes, clasp your hands, maybe fall to your knees, or raise your hands to the sky and plea to our Almighty to hear our requests. While these are a few forms, to pray means to really believe in your request. You must feel in your heart, soul, in the very fiber of your DNA, that you believe in the request you are asking of your Father. I compare this to my kids asking for something they really want. They come to myself or The Chad, mostly The Chad(…since I have a tendency to say NO…go figure God would be our Father, Dad’s are better about giving us what we ask for) and make their request with the strongest possibility that we will say yes, but they do not expect any let down. They are open to unimaginable possibilities with our answers, that we may offer up a concession to their request in which we have an answer, with a twist.

A year ago I attended a conference on prayer. Before the conference I read a book by the keynote speaker, Mark Batterson called The Circle Maker. Mark heads up a church in Washington, DC and he prayed circles. By circles I mean he would walk the blocks in the area in which he wanted his church to be planted, he walked circles around the lives and neighborhoods he wanted to transform, he walked circles and prayed while making those circles. His continuous efforts meant that he prayed with conviction and specificity for what he was looking to accomplish, by his consistent efforts his prayers were answered. Maybe not how he expected to a tee, but they were answered where needs were met.

His book and conference transformed the way I looked and thought about prayer.

prayer circles on chalk boardI began to journal my prayers. I began to make prayer circles for what were extremely bold, sometimes superficial, requests we had in our lives. What happened next was not as I expected.

Nothing.

Nothing happened. I even became bored after just two short weeks of writing in the journal of these prayers.

I cursed. I was pissed. I wanted to throw in the towel. What in the bloody world would make these prayers come to be? I believed in these prayers. Requests happened for others, why not me? Why wasn’t God listening to what needed to happen, what needed to be fixed, healing ills, healing hearts, completing miracles.

I found I didn’t believe enough in my requests. I wasn’t broken enough. By broken, I was not allowing myself to succumb to the possibility that He could be moving in my life. By broken, I was not allowing for my life to be transformed by faith. Lacking in conviction I tossed aside prayer because quite frankly I wasn’t feeling it. As most do, they don’t feel the stirring that true conviction in prayer can bring. I also lacked the faith that God saw a higher plan for me. (Deuteronomy 29:29)

Take getting fired. Praying with conviction and stirring to find a new job, to escape the confines of my misogynistic boss. My prayer needed to be less about me. So when I began praying to find a job that made me happy, that made a difference in the world because I felt I was destined for something greater for Him and when I prayed for wisdom for the misogynist…

BAM! Prayer answered. Literally. Less than one month into praying for the boss to have wisdom I was fired.

God has a wonderful sense of humor.

We make these bold requests, prayerfully and faithfully expectant that He will eventually answer those prayers. Sometimes what our prayers need is more specificity in seeking answers. Sometimes we fail to remember is that the answers come in His time…

We so desperately want things to happen overnight. We so badly want our circumstances to change that we begin to muddle the situation. Meddling in the fine details and operations that we then change our prayer direction because something broke. So we pray for the broken to be repaired and we pray for those changes in circumstances.  In those moments I found the best action to take is nothing. Do nothing but pray. God likes to let things break to show us that our earthly ways are not working, stop getting in the middle of the plan.

For example after being fired I immediately began looking for another job. Futilely and completely in vain I hunted for months. Broken, depressed and feeling less than worthy, struggling with what felt like impending doom with the holidays and tightened finances. I took to writing again in order to relieve my struggles, coupled with bold prayer. Admittance I was broken both in my posts and my prayer. What happened next was less than extraordinary.

Tithing 10% of my small unemployment and praying. Emails began to roll in for Christmas promotions. A friendship was rekindled that helped me utilize my God given ability to put emotions and thoughts to words, this same friendship encouraged me to begin promoting on my blog for Christmas. In just a few short months leading up to Christmas I was able to stuff my tree with items that were promotional goodies that you see posted on my blog. These items were transformed into gifts for my children. Yielding enough money to pay for all of Christmas, simply because I have a passion for words. A God given gift to write. A heaven sent answer from prayer. What was even more spectacular was The Chad’s bonus that we had not expected had allowed us to help answer one of our children’s prayer circles that they had: quads.

prayer, power in prayerPrayer moved me more than just these superficial moments. At our 24/7 Prayer event that we had this past fall I signed up to pray for two hours. The church does a phenomenal job of providing prayer prompts to guide you through some of our most basic struggles with life and prayer. I attended with zero expectations and opened my heart. Guided to a black curtain station, setup for privacy reasons, I was greeted with the most uncomfortable and life changing of prayer moments.

Forgiveness.

What was suppose to only be about ten minutes of prayer in this station, where I would move on to other stations, resulted in a full 60 minutes of deep, trembling, crying until my eyes hurt, prayer for forgiveness. I prayed for those who had wronged me, forgiving them because I was holding onto the pain for me, I thought I couldn’t forgive them because that would mean they won, so I prayed for forgiveness.  At the close of my session, I prayed for myself. I prayed that all I had done wrong to myself, how my horrible choices inflicted so much pain, the pain I felt just fueled more pain. The one person and event whom I had total control also resulted in being the most damaging at times. Exiting that day after my hour I felt rejuvenated and freed. The bonds of torture no longer applied to me. I let go of my anger. I let go of the pain. I embraced the power of prayer.

updated prayer circles on chalk boardLooking back at those moments in prayer, observing our prayers and prayer circles, a gritty, raw, realization was made. Everything we wanted as a family, as individuals, had to do with passion. We update our prayer circles based on our passion, specificity and knowing that everything happens in time based on His plan.

I prayed for a new job and was fired. I prayed to become a mom and was gifted three amazing children. I prayed to provide for Christmas, tithed and received an abundance to give to my children. Today I pray more than I have ever prayed before because I know that He is listening. He provides me the comfort in taking away the superficial worry of occasions, events and happenings that are out of my control. He provides me guidance in struggle, clarity in uncertainty, resolve in our conversation. Feeling a conviction that sweeps over you with chills, that makes your very being tremble and shudder is powerful and brings us to our knees in joy and thanksgiving. Take the discomfort out of the thought of prayer by finding comfort in prayer. Believe it, feel it, and see what happens next. Stop using prayer as a conversational consideration but as consideration for conversation.

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Kickstart your Colon with Coconut Cleanse

Coconut colon cleanse review from Island Vibrance and TheFiveFish.com

The “holidays” are officially over. Valentines marks the close of all the crappy eating, unhealthy food choices and overall gluttony in our lives. For those who didn’t make a New Year’s resolution you are considering your health about this time. You are looking for a way to kickstart your body into the healthy mode; feeling sluggish, fatigued, and just a general overall feeling of meh. One way folks look to get a jump on how they eat and feel is with a cleanse. Cleanses can range anywhere from juicing to fasting to colon cleanses. Some cleanses are harsh and some just help to keep traffic moving through your body to not feel so weighed down and eliminate the feeling of “meh.” My husband in particular struggles with the feeling of “meh” and a back injury that sometimes, well, stops the flow of nature. So he was the first to enjoy and try the Coconut Colon Cleanse in our home.

As a man who travels a lot for business, he does not always have the opportunity to enjoy a home cooked meal. Restaurants, airplanes, airports, and carousing with customers result in less than stellar food choices, fatigue, discomfort, and constipation. He can tell when his health is not at it’s best and that the food he has eaten is taking a toll on his body and general well-being. At home it is clean eating with plenty of fruits, vegetables and the lack of heavy oils, butters and processing, but business travel really can hinder those food choices on the road.


The first day he got home from his extensive travel he immediately reached for the Coconut Colon Cleanse. Somehow our conversations always digress on discussing deuces. He told me that he takes two pills and by the next day he is singing like a songbird of sheer happiness. Regular and “cleaning the pipes” as he refers to his “I feel 10 pounds lighter” bowel movements. He likes that the effect is gentle, with no cramping and no violent urges or needs to run to the restroom to handle business.

What we really enjoy about the Coconut Colon Cleanse is that it is coconut based. You have all the wonderful Ayurveda healing of coconut, especially since my husband does NOT like the taste or smell of coconut, it seems to be a texture thing with him.

Please note that we are in no way physicians or making any claims about this product. We were offered a full sample bottle of Coconut Colon Cleanse in our home in exchange for this review. We have shared our personal experience with this product which may vary from person to person. Always consult your doctor before trying any herbal supplement or health remedy.

If you are looking to help improve your personal overall health and the health of your colon, the Coconut Colon Cleanse is a great way to help get a “move” on this step. Couple this with cleaning eating and a diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables you are sure to feel vibrant, rejuvenated and full of energy. Or as my husband says “my pants feel better after that movement.” Order today on Amazon and if you are a Prime member receive same day shipping.

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Easy Kids Valentines

valentines raisin, You're the "raisin" valentine, thefivefish.com, valentines ideas, valentines crafts with raisins

This year I wanted to explore a more creative idea for Valentine’s Day for my kids. Personally, I despise the Hallmark holiday and feel the entire month is wasted upon this one day to determine levels of affection for one another. I digress. I was opposed to buying the typical boxed cards with the perforations that say some cheesy message with the same cheesy cartoon characters. The cost was also irking me at three dollars per box I couldn’t fathom this silly small dollar amount purely for waste, as I knew the Valentines would be tossed aside into my recycle the moment my children brought them home. So I opted for an easy kids Valentine’s Day card option that is functional and edible without processed junk and high fructose corn syrup intoxication on candy.

valentines on thefivefish.com, Valentines crafts

I “cereal”sly love you Valentine!

Off to the local dollar store I went with ideas in tow that I wanted to create something more fun, edible, but still offered the shallow story of love and affection in the most ridiculous way possible. My first option was those cute little individual boxes of cereal that come in a six or eight pack. You know the assorted pack, Costco generally offers a larger pack but I lacked time to fight that battle. Unable to find my initial idea of a valentine craft I continued to peruse the other aisles. Running a play on words through my head with the various food items.

Pudding. Chips. I was lacking inspiration. Until I saw the raisins. Nature’s candy baby! I knew that would be perfect and could fit into a kids Valentine’s box. Snagging enough to cover one kid’s class I knew I had to handle the twins… who sadly share a birthday the day after the silly holiday. Succumbing to the candy I saw Tootsie Pops and Blow Pops and knew my next treat idea. Upon heading to the check out I also saw these adorable felt, puffy heart stickers that would be put to good use for this project.

Satisfied with my total purchase which was equivalent in cost to the ridiculous pre-made paper Valentine’s in a box I headed home and sprawled my purchase across the dining table to have my spawns gaze upon the pinterest worthy idea in awe.

The spawn’s initial reaction was defeating. They were puzzled at my creativity. I was shattered at their lack of vision….amateurs. Until I created the first Valentine and then suddenly I was the hero! Score!!

valentines raisin, You're the "raisin" valentine, thefivefish.com, valentines ideas, valentines crafts with raisinsMy stickers were like sweetheart candies that they could write their own message or their name (as they opted to do) and stick these little stickers on the boxes. Additionally, I wanted the corny message plastered on the front of these boxes like the token Valentine. “You’re the “raisin” Valentine” was written on all of my various heart stickers as our Hallmark message. The puffy, felt, heart shaped stickers came in a pack of 100, excellent for these boxes of raisins. I was beaming at my choice these weren’t the typical candy Valentine.

Next were the Tootsie and Blow Pops. Sigh….candy…but I have three kids. All of whom balk at uniformity.

An easy Google search for cutouts will render various ideas. I went with cutouts in the shape of hearts that you can write your own message. Using shape cutter scissors gives this some character to cut your shapes. I cut oblong shapes around my hearts to allow enough meat on the paper to slide the sucker through the message. Write your message first so you know where to properly cut slits for the sucker to slide through. Our message was “you make my heart “pop.”” We used the left over heart shaped stickers as a backer [and signature] to hold the message to the sucker stick and again give more meat and stability to the note.

vlentines crafts, kids valentines from pinterest, kids valentine ideasI was using scissors to cut slits for the sucker until my brilliant 11 year old suggested the hole puncher…of which I quickly delegated the task to him. These were super easy to create and were a lot of fun for the kids.

Are they fancy “pinterest” worthy crafts?

Probably not, but my kids had a blast creating their own Valentine’s themselves without using the generic and boring commercial Valentines and I know the parent’s will appreciate receiving little waste and something a bit more out of the ordinary. Have fun with this like my kids did and let their creative juices take hold like mine did after I gave them the reins.

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Drink Wine Day & Giveaway with Tandoor Chef

thefivefish.com, tandoor chef, indian cuisine

While February is synonymous with Valentine’s I am happy to share if you despise Valentine’s as much as myself we have a new, much more celebrated day to rejoice. National Drink Wine day is on February 18th and gives way for a new way to celebrate the second month of the year.

The folks at Tandoor Chef are helping to kick off the festivities by sharing some of their favorite food, available at your local Safeway grocer, and wine pairings. If you were to ask me, I would have to say just about any Coppola Diamond label is sure to be an excellent choice, white or red, with any food. Personally, I am a fan of red and stock up on Malbec’s and Petite Syrah’s when my fancy strikes.

So the other evening when The Chad was on travel, the kids were at their bible study life groups, I was able to enjoy a warm meal (albeit from the microwave) uninterrupted with a glass of wine. I enjoyed the Palak Paneer which is spinach with a cheese sauce. I love spinach so this was something for me to nosh on in peace and sip my Coppola red blend.

Tandoor Chef has a tool that pairs wine and Indian food, I took a gander at the various wine (and beer) pairings to see what would taste well with each option. While the Palak Paneer indicated a pairing of a Riesling, I opted still for a red. However you might opt for their pairing based on your tastes, and the best part about the pairing tool is the opportunity to win $250 in wine!

Find Tandoor Chef at your local Safeway grocer, or other local grocers near you, and find them online for great meal ideas and deals.

 TandoorChef.com.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer: No purchase is necessary to enter. One entrant per household, per address. Void where prohibited by law. Winner(s) will be contacted by email. This giveaway is being sponsored and conducted by Tandoor Chef and is responsible for product shipment to winner of this contest. This event is in no way administered, sponsored, or endorsed by, or associated with, Facebook and/or Twitter, Google, Pinterest. TheFiveFish did receive payment for consumption and promotion of this product, but in no way were influenced or control the contest. Contact karie@thefivefish.com if you have any additional questions or comments.

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Playing the Good Wife

contemplation

On the twilight of a day where I completed a fifth and successful interview with the organization that will be bringing me on board I wanted to share my joys, triumphs and excitement for where my life and career are taking me next. Truly this moment is divine, not because I have been struggling in embracing unemployment the last eight months, but because this job is in and of itself Heaven sent. Instead I find myself seeking prayer around each emotional turn, celebrating in quiet as my small triumph has been shadowed by my husband’s tremendous news. I suppose as a good wife it’s our job to put aside our girlish desires and superficial wins in order to celebrate the men in our lives. But today I want a win, I just want my humbling moment to be celebrated by my equal half, I want to celebrate the awesomeness together.

Instead I am playing the doting wife. Ecstatic for the opportunity that presents itself  for my husband in his career, not mine. Selfish all the same because of how dramatic his opportunity will adversely affect our family.

Would our behavior as women behoove us to fall into medieval roles as token matriarchs that lack authority? True figureheads to the men we stand beside, trophies of their accomplishments. Today I feel like that moment. I feel as if all my accolades as a person and woman were somehow dwarfed by the crowning moment of a husband’s career defining job offer. Suddenly, my university studies, self made career as a financial guru and gift to put emotions to words are as belittling as housework. Somehow I have never felt so inferior.

Part of me is wallowing in my own self pity and anger to not speak up to my husband. Somehow I don’t know this woman who is suffering in silence. I have never held my tongue and cannot for the life of me grasp the reason for silence at a time that should be carried out in joy, for both of us. All the while I know I should say something to him in regard to my feelings. I should be exerting my feminine prowess, but I sit in front of my monitor struggling to find the words for the emptiness at such a joyous moment.

Another part of my mute moment would be due to the fact that I fear his resentment. Job of CIO is not to be taken lightly as an offer. Job as CIO that would uproot my children from their home, estranged from our family, friends, community; the comfort and solace, which is like a warming in the heart that we feel when we are at home, the warming replaced with the frigid unknown. Would I be so selfish to ask him to cast aside this offer that would take us to the other end of the nation in the name of money? With no friends. No family. No community. So part of me begs that question of what really matters? Sadly my heart breaks and tears burn in my eyes because I know what matters and none of the aforementioned feel like a factor. His decision is made regardless of my feelings.

The plan is to have the offer maker visit and speak with me about this grand opportunity. Ensure I am on the boat, arm-in-arm with my husband as the quiet supportive spouse, to be there as he needs me as I maintain a stoic appearance of strength and resolve in an unsettling time. All of which makes me want to vomit and scream. A deep desire to share my feelings, fears, triumphant challenges that I eagerly accept but resent all the same for lack of ardent qualities. If only they knew of the big picture in my small offer.

Maybe this is my own faults being played out. Falling too far into humility to never boast of my own accord as this is truly God’s work of the accomplishment, his and my own. Excited to be fulfilling the job in The Kingdom, as I seem to have this higher calling, aside from the desires of the flesh with money. Or silently I sit in jealousy for the dream I formerly had for myself to climb the imaginary ladder…to what end.

So I sit at my couch listening to the silent whir of traffic, the cool scent of the desert’s musk in the air of my open window, reminding me that spring is in the air, all thoughts pulling me away from reeling moments of frustration. Quiet contemplation of whether I should speak up or hold my tongue. Personally at an impasse. He clicks away at his keyboard unassuming of my intentions, feelings, frustrations. I chew on my thoughts like a clod of rawhide, never breaking through but continually foaming into thoughts which lead into more prayers for answers, comfort, guidance. Cursing all the while.

Our relationship has never been so uneven. Never have we chartered these waters. When did I become subservient to him? When did my needs become any less important than his? When did my dreams and aspirations become any less fruitful? When did we no longer become equals. The conflagration of emotions stirring inside my abdomen, indifference, anger, frustration, hurt, jealousy, love and hate. How can one event create such unrest.

Sober with my emotions. Drunk in my thoughts. Ever hopeful that I will find the moment to speak life into my husband and into our marriage for how life will play out next in these earthly theatrics. Ever hopeful to celebrate in my joy with my new career on the horizon, while his causes our lives to teeter off balance. For tonight I am playing the good wife for him.

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